Reply to Do you think DINKs are the future?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are millennial DINKs. Couldn't be happier.  Own a home. Max out retirement accounts. Take multiple trips per year. Have very little debt except a mortgage. Sleep until 10 AM on the weekends.

Kids ruin everything.  I paid $85k off in student loans. I will absolutely NEVER pay another college bill again in my life. F that.  Then they gouge the crap outta you for $3000-4000 per mo for childcare. Ridiculous.  There's also no guarantee your kid won't turn out to be a F up even if you raise them right.  I know so many kids raised in good homes who ended up becoming opioid addicts, so one robbed a bank, and others popping out kids out of wedlock by the time they're 21.  The worst ones are kids who get into serious trouble and the parents blow their entire life's savings on legal fees or rehab to save their precious little Hunter or Emily.

Nope, nope, nope.  Finally getting ahead in life because of no kids. [/quote]

Geez...I have no problem with your decision, but who do you hang out with that you know all these derelict kids?  Where are you from/do you live?

[/quote]

Very good people.  The one kid who was a F up was the son of a VP of a local company. Literally low IQ and poor decision making.  I was friends of the other son though - college buddy.  The son who was messed up did a stupid stunt in a pool and ended up fracturing his vertebrae.  Then it required use of opioids, which is TERRIBLE with someone with an addictive personality.  He got addicted to opioids and spiraled out of control.  The parents spent in ordinate sums of money on multiple rehab treatments, interventions, and therapists.  Didn't matter. He still spiraled, and is still addicted to drugs and booze.  They disowned him from the family. The other son I was friends with is perfectly fine and does well with his career.

Another guy I know was the brother of the woman my friend married.  Very good home.  The parents lived in a 6000 sqft house.  The son ended up just getting in with the wrong crowd and got caught selling drugs.  The parents spent boat loads keeping him out of jail, but he's still a loser.

And finally my female cousin is a screw up.  Again, a good home.  Mom is a nurse and dad an electrician.  All the opportunities in the world to go to college, etc.  She ended up choosing the wrong crowd and got addicted to opioids somehow (Kids these days are popping oxy like candy if you didn't know - just look at MoCo high schools).  Opoid addiction spiraled into heroin addiction.  She needed up getting pregnant by like 20 looked very rough.  Her mom ended up having to take care of the baby while her addiction spiraled out of control.  She ended up getting cozy with very bad hombres to feed her addiction and ended up trying to rob a bank to feed her addiction. She was caught and spent about 8 years in prison while missing out on her daughter growing up.

Again, just because you have kids and raise them right is no guarantee of success.  There are so many bad people and influences out there that can completely undermine the best parenting efforts in  no time.  Have fun blowing hundreds of thousands of dollars on legal bills and taking care of your daughter's out of wed lock baby.

No thanks.  I'll enjoy my 10 AM else times and multiple international trips.. plus no more college bills! [/quote]

You don't understand what good parenting is. You think "dad is a VP, sibling is successful -- must have had good parenting." Or "mom's a nurse, must have been a good parent." That's not how it works.

Also, while anyone can develop an addiction or fall in with the wrong crowd, good parents will respond to these issues in ways that keep it from getting worse. Good parenting can't prevent someone from every experiencing a negative event in their lives, but it can help keep people from spiraling out of control. [b]Someone who is prone to sever risk taking, gets horribly injured, and then develops an addiction to pain medication, was not well parented. [/b]It's not something that "just happens" despite everyone's best efforts.[/quote]

NP. I agree that simply having white collar or professional parents does not make one well-parented, but I would disagree with the bolded. Most people who become addicted to any sort of substance have a genetic predisposition. This cannot be parented away, unfortunately! [/quote]

I know a lot of addicts. I have family members who have developed opioid dependencies. But PP is saying that this perfectly great parents wound up with dud kids through no fault of their own. I know from direct experience that the difference between someone with a good, supportive family, and one without, is huge when it comes to something like addiction. A kid who got injured in the way he described and then developed an opioid dependency experienced a parenting failure along the way, sorry. It was not inevitable that this kid would become a drug addict in and out of addiction facilities as an adult. Something went wrong.

I know people don't like hearing this, but it is true. And I say that as someone with two siblings with addiction issues who have been in treatment, and one parent who has had an opioid addiction. This stuff does NOT "just happen." Mistakes were made. And sometimes compounding mistakes are made that can really make things worse.

The PP's belief that if you have children, you just roll the dice randomly and it might come up "effed up drug addict" just doesn't know very much about family dynamics or what good parenting looks like. People who talk like that are often uneducated and just don't realize that they are making huge mistakes as parents that will make something like that much more likely. There is a reason that rates of drug addiction and other deviant behaviors are much more common in some populations than others. It's not all "genetic disposition."[/quote]

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