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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.[/quote]

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand[/quote]

Ha ha! Let me explain. I am an Indian Hindu.  Having 200-500 guests is considered a smallish wedding.  The reason for our huge (in American eyes) weddings is  that we usually do know 500 people or more, and we do cultivate familial and non-familial relationships over our lifetimes. This is very cultural thing.  Not inviting someone to your kid's wedding is seen as sending a message that the person is not important to you.  Sometimes we also include guests that our parents and siblings want us to invite and that is because a wedding is seen as a family affair.

Also, most invitations (for Indian guests) is not addressed to the individual but for their whole family. Giving an invite to a person and add a +1 to it is considered insulting.  Of course, we do that for non-Indians guests in the US. This explains why the numbers of guests swell up.   Also, traditionally, Indian households are multi-generational, so an invitation to the family will include the grandparents and the kids too.  American weddings usually frown upon kids of non-family guests.

Most Indian marriages do not end in divorce. Divorce rates are extremely low and so this is statistically a once in a lifetime cost for parents.  Indian Hindu parents are responsible and culturally bound to get their kids  married.  This is their last parental duty (called Vivah Sanskar) towards their offsprings  in their life according to our religious traditions. So, most Indian parents will start saving for the child's college and wedding from the time that the kids are born. Since the parents are paying for the wedding, the guest list is usually their own guest list and it includes all relatives from both sides. The bride and groom and groom's family will also include their lists.   If the bride or groom do not have parents, usually a grandparent, uncles, aunts, siblings will step into the role of the parents and finance a wedding.  So, there are quite a few very low-key weddings too that do not cost a bomb - but you do not hear about them.

IME -  young Indians and Indian-Americans  who did  not have a traditional Indian wedding funded fully or partially by their parents  or relatives, or have family participation and involvement may feel a deep sense of loss for lacking family support  We have been raised and socialized since childhood for being part of these memorable,  vibrant,   big, multi day weddings that were part celebration, part family reunions,  part cosmic chaos and we do want the same for ourselves and our children. Our traditions, culture,  Bollywood, wedding industry etc have also portrayed weddings as very significant part of our lives. So to not have that kind of wedding or parents/relatives not taking it up as their responsibility is lonely and sad.

It is entirely another thing if the bride and groom are independently well-off and can fund their own wedding, or have decided to have a small wedding by choice (usually they will opt for an American or destination wedding because it is inexpensive), but usually these are couples in their 30s and more established.  This is also true for "fusion" weddings where Indians are marrying someone of another culture, or people on their second marriages, or people who have busy lifestyles, or  people who are of more mature age, or those who have altruistic motives, or people who want to save money - in such a case the couple decide to have a wedding the way they want to.

Finally, Indian-Americans  are usually quite well-off. Their children are also usually in high paying jobs.  In some way an Indian wedding  is a FLEX of family unity and solidarity, continuation of Indian tradition, a chance to reconnect with friends and family, a demonstration of the accomplishment of the bride and groom, family connections and financial power.  Most Indian-Americans are fully paying for college and wedding of their offsprings. [/quote]

I'm Indian and Hindu too, and this is BS.  The large, expensive weddings are done by Indians for the same reason they buy mansions and Teslas - as a show of status and wealth.[/quote]

+1. Also Indian and Hindu and PP is romanticizing the lavish Indian wedding. They are soulless affairs meant to show off wealth and often hide a whole host of underlying problems in the family. [/quote]

I disagree.  But then I am actually a wealthy Indian. [/quote]

You’re very defensive. I’m not claiming these people aren’t well to do. But the weddings are over the top and the families throwing them [b]seem [/b]desperate to make an outsized statement of family unity or high status. They often don’t match the reality. [/quote]

You are making assumptions about the weddings being over the top and people seeming desperate.  How do you know? You are sounding bitter and jealous.  Are you paying for their weddings?

Sorry, but culturally, go to Middle East and go to Indian subcontinent and you will see lavish weddings are common.  Parents actually save for their children weddings all their lives. Just like they save for their kids colleges.   This is culturally appropriate for us. May not be culturally appropriate for you.  But, you do you. Also, exceptions prove the rule.

Not being defensive at all. Our parenting philosophy is different than the American way of parenting too. But, on individual level people can choose to spend money or not spend money on whatever they want to spend money on. There are enough Indian weddings where people do court marriage and go to a restaurant to celebrate.  As long as people do not expect their guests to bankroll their MLM destination wedding and pay for their own drinks at the bar - why does it matter to anyone?

All affluent people are unhappy and suffering.  If this makes you feel better about your life then so be it.  [/quote]

Sorry but you are sounding even more defensive. And I am Indian and Hindu so I’ve been to many typical, big Indian weddings. You may spout off about culture all you want but there’s no traditional cultural requirement or norm to have a huge, lavish wedding. The expectations have evolved for the Indian wedding to become that way because the families overextend themselves to outdo their relatives and friends. It’s all about competition and ego stroking.[/quote]

yes and in those other countries there are servent class that can make it happen but in the US its too expensive to have an over the top wedding because of labor costs[/quote]

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