Reply to What does "sex positivity" mean on online dating profiles?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "What does "sex positivity" mean on online dating profiles?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People are misunderstanding and completely misusing this phrase.

People who dont understand it are (apparently) using it to mean "I like sex a lot". It's more about being open and nonjudgemental and wanting to explore consensual activities with their partner. [/quote]
+1 I see it as “I may already have a kink and don’t want to be shamed for it, plus I may want to look for other possible kinks with you.”[/quote]

It’s such a turn-off to wear that as a label though. I can like sex and even have kinks without having to join some kind of affinity group. My best lovers would never have pasted that label on themselves. [/quote]

Did you meet your best lovers via OLD?  And did you talk about sex / preferences before you became lovers?  Or just dove in?[/quote]

Why would I talk about it? It’s not like I need to read the reviews on Amazon. Is this why the kids these days aren’t having enough sex?

The issue with OLD is indeed that you can’t tell how much chemistry you have compared to meeting in person. But putting a Tik Tok label on yourself doesn’t solve that - it makes it worse, as if sex is something like a job interview. [/quote]

Are you asking why you would talk about sex with the person you’re having sex with?  Or about to have sex with?  Pause and think about this.

If you were going on a date with someone - going out to eat - wouldn’t you ask about food preferences?  Aversions?  [/quote]

The question is about *what you put in your profile.* Not how you actually approach sex. And no, I don’t think interviewing someone prior to sex about their sexual preferences is going to yield much information! Is this actually what you think? That by writing an essay about sex and giving yourself some kind of label, you’re going to have good sex? I’m not saying talking about sex is bad but it’s kind of about practice not theory. Talking during sex, well that’s another thing …[/quote]

From experience… yes, talking about sex before sex yields information about the other person - though of course doesn’t prove total compatibility etc. and as a 50 yo divorced woman, a man’s inability to discuss basic things including preferences is a huge red flag.  [/quote]

So you’re going to sit there at your first coffee date and interview him about how many times a week he likes to do it? [/quote]

Well - what do you talk about on your first coffee dates?  Why not talk about sex since (for me) a huge part of looking for a short or long term partner is to have more / better sex.[/quote]

because talking about sex over coffee is not something I want to do unless I actually want to have sex with a person, which I don’t know until I’ve, you know, actually touched them. and more importantly talking about sex says zero about whether you will actually enjoy sex with the person. [/quote]

Listen - we know this isn’t true.  If someone expresses to you that they are into bdsm or won’t go down on you or is mostly asexual, then this is info that is going to affect whether you want to have sex with this person.

Communication around sex is a MAJOR issue in relationships.  Why are we pretending that this isn’t a skill to explore in initial dating?  [/quote]

At the first coffee date??? I guess if you have some sexual thing that is really rigid and unusual like you are asexual or are looking for a sub, then yes, that would be something to discuss on the first date, but I assume you’d be on a specialty dating or hookup site that already made that clear.

Otherwise no, I’m not going into detail about sex on the first date before I even have any idea if I’m even going to kiss my date.

Sex is something you do, not contract up front with a bunch of terms you hash out on paper ahead of time. I mean, unless that’s your  thing …

The main point here is yes, talking about sex is great. No, not via a label in your OLD profile or on the first date. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics