Reply to Why do SILs hate the women their brothers marry?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My SIL is immature and spoiled. DH and I have been together since the end of our senior year in college. I can’t say I have a friendship with SIL even after being with my husband for 30 years, [b]which probably has something to do with her emotional immaturity which leads to some annoyingly self-centered behavior. [/b]It’s like dealing with a perpetual stranger, albeit a demanding one. SIL getting married for the first time next year at age 49. That should tell you all you need to know.[/quote]

DP here.  Have to agree - the family feeds into it (enables SIL's behavior), then you come along and wonder about her behavior, and she gets mad at you for noticing. LOL. [/quote]

My parents went through this decades ago and it got so ugly. One of my dad’s sisters- the family golden child- hated my mom from the get-go. My mother got her number real quick. The woman was a narcissist and went nuts when mommy and daddy weren’t focused solely on her. My father’s parents couldn’t stand to see the golden child ignored and upset, so they started demanding that my dad visit them without his wife and kids. The result? Decades of estrangement. The woman pretty much torpedoed our ties to that side of the family, [b]though I also blame my father’s parents for being so weak and letting it happen instead of telling their daughter to grow up already[/b]. [/quote]

That's just it.  SIL will continue with her adult temper tantrums to get what she wants, when she wants it. Once DH says that's enough (essentially telling SIL to grow up), SIL gets all offended. Too bad. SIL should try acting that way with her husband and see how far that crap goes. [/quote]

PP here. In hindsight, I think some people in my family did not know how to avoid conflict. Let’s face it, life is short and some relatives are awful and will never, ever change. My mom could have avoided tiffs with her SIL if she just treated her like an annoying coworker. “Oh, that’s how you make your casserole? That sounds delicious, send me the recipe.” Instead, my mom got into it with her over why she did something differently and why it was better. So, her fault for trying to argue with someone who she already knew was unstable. They hated each other, but alas, they kept insulting each other and butting heads over stupid stuff like recipes. I think there are ways to make sure the kids see family without exposing yourself to too much drama. See grandma without inviting the whole family. Or just leave the party early. Skip dessert and watch a movie. Lots of stuff goes down after the party ends. So just go home. [/quote]

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