Reply to Resentment - impasse over home improvement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tough call. I am a woman but would be like the husband in this situation though I sympathize with OP as well.

[b]This isn't some small little thing she wants. It's tens of thousands of dollars for something that is mostly cosmetic. Plus it comes with quality of life inconvenience (and most people are not going to want to rent another house while it's being done!). [/b]And she's already like "and you should see our bathrooms..." so you can see where this is going. He's thinking if they open the floodgates with this, it's going to be a new project every year and they may as well just get a new house in a couple ofyears (smaller because the kids will be in college). That makes a ton of sense, I'd 100% be the one making those arguments.

Otoh wifes arguments are valid too. She works and keeps house. They nominally agreed to this in the past. There are cracks that need fixing. They have the money in theory.

What you definitely shouldn't do is the face-lift because you'll still be unhappy with that and your husband will be annoyed you spent the money and still don't like it.

I think you need a heart to heart about finances in general and that you feel undervalued because you make less. A portion of money should be set aside each year for household repairs. And if that money doesn't end up being used for an emergency then use what is left for this remodel. 
[/quote]

This.  OP, you, and most of the amen chorus in this post, are treating this as if he is being completely unreasonable, without a leg to stand on.  That's just not the case.  I get that it's frustrating when one partner is good with the status quo, and effectively has a veto, and I think he should reach come compromise with you.  But it sounds like he did that with new counters and refacing, and you're still unhappy that he hasn't completely capitulated, and calling his position ridiculous.  This isn't as one-sided as you are making it appear.  [/quote]

OP, if he doesn’t want the remodel, you are asking for a $75k birthday present. Would you do the same for him? [/quote]

OP here. In a heartbeat. I am always telling him he should enjoy things more. His answer is always “I don’t want anything.” And yes we’ll waste 20-25k to facelift the kitchen. Great compromise. I’ll still walk downstairs everyday and be annoyed. We sold a rental property last year (our first home) and made $350k profit. I proposed that after we pay the capital gains tax, we save half the remainder and put the other half into our current home. Denied. [/quote]

And would Suze Orman say this reno is a waste of money?[/quote]

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