Reply to Resentment - impasse over home improvement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hire a designer and start the process, present what you want and what your husband wants and go from there. For our renovation, my husband was against a lot of improvements I wanted to do, he wanted to just replace the cabinets but I wanted to remove some walls, that didn’t stop me from starting the process. Throughout the process the designer liked all my ideas, so it wasn’t me telling DH what to do, it was another man (sign but true). Long story short, we renovated the place like I had in mind and my husband proudly tell people it was mostly my design. Your situation is a bit more complex but you are not going to get full agreement from the start, just start the process and see where it goes. Good luck![/quote]

I think this is a good start.

But I also wonder why some level of repair and maintenance has not been done? Things like cabinets not closing properly or grout being gone can be fixed. Or you can learn to do it yourself. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but my spouse is not handy and I finally realized that if I wanted to save some $ and time that I would simply have to do it myself. I keep it to simple stuff, but if/when I have an issue my spouse will work on it with me and if we don't succeed then there's no complaint when I call a repairman.

And 90's is old, but not that old. Our house was built in '79 and we bought it in 2015 with the original kitchen and bathrooms. We finally re-did the kitchen, but the bathrooms were all original until we replaced a toilet recently. And most of the houses on my block that have sold have the original kitchen and/or bathrooms. Lots of people can't afford to upgrade.

The other tactic would be to just be a grade A "B" until he relents. Don't cook. Don't clean. Be aloof. Tell him you're mad and hurt that your feelings don't seem to matter and you don't know how else to get through to him.

Good luck.[/quote]

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