Reply to Resentment - impasse over home improvement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At some point you are going to sell the house and you’d need to upgrade the kitchen and bathrooms to get full value, and not just repainting the cabinets. Many buyers will not want to take on the project so you are limiting the audience. Doing it now will save you money in the long run and you will get to enjoy it. Come up with a redo and timing that is the least disruptive to your living there. [/quote]

OP here. I know all of this and have said it all repeatedly. Falls on deaf ears. I feel confident that rationale and common sense are on my side. It doesn’t matter - it’s like talking to a brick wall on this subject. He’s perfectly pleasant on other subjects. Funny, a good father. We take vacations, he doesn’t nit pick day to day household spending. But any mention of this and he’s just like[b] “mmm hmmm, that’s nice, but NO.[/b]”[/quote]

What does he value? Say NO to whatever it is he wants to buy or do. [/quote]

Sadly, [b]he values growing numbers on a balance sheet. He wins, I lose. [/b]I do work, but he makes way more. I am by far the primary parent though and handle the mental load, the food planning/shopping/prepping and most of the cleaning. [/quote]

You’ve capitulated way too easily.

Based on what you shared, it IS about the money. He values investing more than a kitchen.

Which is why you need to get a new job, a second job, etc to fund the renovation.  [/quote]

Who will cook, clean and do all the laundry while I’m at my second job? Your idea sounds nice, but I’m pretty stuck unless I want family life to collapse which I don’t. [/quote]

Who will cook while the kitchen is being renovated?  
Like it or not, it’s a big inconvenience and will definitely disrupt your family life.   
It’s fine that you want this, but you need to focus more on how appreciative you are that your husband makes enough to afford this and less on how you *have* to do it.  [/quote]

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