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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This whole thread is why I've taken to having just a few very close friends that come and go from my life over the years.  I don't have time in the day to deal with some of the petty stuff described here.[/quote]

It's exhausting and also a good reason why I think it's worth it invest in family, whether that's your family of origin or getting married or having kids or staying close with your cousins or all of the above. I have friends and I care about them (but notably, I have male and female friends and no "girl group" which I think helps minimize the worst behavior) but at the end of the day people can claim all they want that friends will really be there for you but it's family who actually shows up. [b]"Found family" sounds great but actual family is better.[/b][/quote]

You're going to get blown up but I agree with you--there's something more solid and enduring about familial ties vs. constantly choosing to connect again and again with friends.[/quote]

You're both assuming people have the option of close, healthy family relationships.  Or, you know that's not always the case, and it's easier to put the blame on those who don't (can't, really), invest in family.  Consider yourselves lucky, invest in the relationships that matter to you, and don't judge others who do things differently.  It's often out of necessity.

P.S. - the few close girlfriends in whom I've chosen to invest, have been there for me time and again, as I have for them.  Choosing my family of origin over them would be deeply foolish.[/quote]

I'm the PP who originally said that I think family trumps friendship, and actually I have a pretty awful family of origin and barely have a relationship with them. I had an abusive childhood and as an adult, I 100% set out to find my "found family" and rejected the idea that blood ties trumped friends, who were the only people who had ever been nice to me.

But over time I realized that friendship alone was not enough. For starters, most of my friends have family who winds up being a priority for them over friendships. I know they care for me, but their family is closer and more signficant to them (which is how it's supposed to be -- it's not their fault my family sucks). Some of the challenges I had with friends when I was younger were due to me trying to turn friendships into family-like relationships and it just doesn't work. Friends aren't family, the ties are more fragile.

Life got better for me when I created my own family, not out of friends, but by getting married and having a kid. My marriage also gave me another family, my in-laws, who I was initially very suspicious of (you would be too if you grew up like me) but I've come to really appreciate. My MIL and I have a special bond, and my DH has two aunts who I've come to really adore and have really helped fill the hole in my life where an older generation of family should go.

I still have friends, including some longtime friends I've known for nearly 20 years and am close to. But they aren't family. Also, they all have their own family ties that I know trump our friendship if push comes to shove. Creating real family ties is really essential as you get older. I just don't think friendship on its own can cut it.[/quote]

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