Reply to Should a deadbeat dad be invited to a college graduation?

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Reply to "Should a deadbeat dad be invited to a college graduation?"

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[quote=Anonymous]You need to chill.  This is about your son.  Don’t ruin your relationship with him over one day when he should have who he wants celebrate with him.

Does your son know you paid for his college on your own?  Does he know his dad didn’t pay support?  I wouldn’t say it in a judgmental way but be factual about it maybe away from graduation.  But don’t disparage his dad but be factual.

Goodness.  I grew up with a single mom.  My dad was a loser too but he died.  His parents didn’t help and he didn’t contribute much alive or dead (no life insurance). She never spoke badly about him and she never complained about working insane hours, but she taught me the value of hard work and the value of a dollar.

If my mom thought she was the only reason I’m successful I would feel frustrated by that.  I worked my tail off to be where I am and honestly it’s just as much in spite of my mom as it is because of her.  Your son is successful due to his own achievements and hard work too. My mom was hardly around (she had an excellent job) and gave no emotional support whatsoever.  She worked hard and I saw that, but she sort of did what you are doing now, putting what is comfortable for her above her child. I couldn’t participate in most sports or activities because she didn’t want to drive or ask anyone for help or do a carpool.  She gave with conditions for years or threatens she’ll take stuff away (she wouldn’t contribute to our kids 529s she wanted to set up her own but I reminded her how she wouldn’t let my sibling access their 529 when they majored in something she didn’t like).

She still expects me to come at her beck and call and do what works for her.  I have kids so I try to maintain a decent relationship, but it’s difficult mainly because things have to be done on her schedule and her way.

You want to continue to have a relationship with your son, yes?  Then let him invite his dad.  Your son already knows his dad was a deadbeat!  Most kids of deadbeats know this!

You should go to therapy and talk it out.  I can’t see you having a good future relationship with your son moving forward until you learn to let stuff go.  Life is too short.

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