Reply to How do you “emotionally support” a woman?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do you “emotionally support” a woman?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does a man need to do to not be served divorced papers? If he is a good father, he helps around the house, he is not an alcoholic and isn’t physically and mentally abusive, what else does he need to do to keep his wife happy?

Specifically, what exactly do women mean when they complain that their husbands are not  “emotionally supportive”?

How do you show “emotional support”?
I’m getting divorced because my soon to be ex wife said that we grew apart because I was not emotionally supportive. I never dismissed her when she came to me with things that were bothering her at work or with her girlfriend, every time she got into a fight with her mom I was there to support her, when she came home stressed from work and was crying I supported her and I even helped her change career and get a better job.

[/quote]

After reading your initial post and all the replies, OP, my only takeaway is that you sound like my DH, who was diagnosed with autism in his late 30s. Like you, he is baffled by my reaction to his lack of emotional intelligence, and is constantly seeking out a magic checklist of sorts. Sometimes a therapist or I will try to be more prescriptive with him, but then I see him just going through the rote motions 1-2x and then slacking off and getting frustrated because I wasn’t somehow permanently satisfied by 2 days of attempted emotional engagement.

If you really think your relationship can be boiled down to stuff like not being an alcoholic and helping out, and are concerned that you might be served papers, and can’t see all the stuff in between those two steps, you might be facing a situation caused by neurodiversity. You should seek out the advice of a therapist and get an adult neurological work up to help you understand how your brain works vs. your wife’s.[/quote]

PP:
I've been reading this thread because I'm thinking of divorcing my ASD husband. We've been married for a long time, and our kids are grown, and I've been putting up with his complete lack of understanding of emotional support for decades. Like you, we've tried therapy over and over, and the result is exactly the same: he tries for a few weeks, listens to the counselor, says the right things, but it all dribbles off and disappears after counseling ends. 
He thinks "emotional support" is something you give like a birthday present, and it ends there. 
When I read OP's post, I thought as you did, that OP might be on the autism spectrum. I even wondered if my DH had written that post (he may have. he reads these boards). My DH "helps out," is not abusive or an alcoholic and seems to think that makes him a good enough "supportive" spouse.

There is no way to explain to him that "emotional support" is lifelong and constant. It never ends. It's give and take, supporting your partner no matter what, never closing down emotionally, maintaining honest communication, even when what you have to say isn't flattering to yourself or even to your spouse, but it's honest and needs to be said in a spirit of loving support. My DH will rub my back or pat me on the shoulder because he thinks that's "emotional support," but in reality, he lives in his closed little world where he doesn't need or want ongoing emotional closeness of the kind that a neurotypical person wants and needs to maintain a healthy relationship with a spouse.

I agree OP should read some books about NT/ASD relationships. Google them. There are many, and articles too. It may be too late for OP to save his marriage, but it might give him some insight into why his marriage failed. [/quote]

Dang bro. That’s probably your wife.

You lack consistency and make perfunctory efforts. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics