Reply to "I lived the happiest childhood a child could possibly know”

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Reply to ""I lived the happiest childhood a child could possibly know”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is so triggering because agency and exploration are some of the only things the wealthy can’t buy for their kids. It takes commitment, sacrifice and attention that can’t be hired out. Makes them nuts [/quote]

Yes and a lot of the folks on DCUM are wealthy due to having two-career families with demanding jobs. Even among families with a SAHM, the pace of lifestyle in this area can be incredibly intense and there's a lot of pressure to academically accelerate kids, competition for private school spots, and of course the college race. So the idea that all of that is actually detrimental to kids is terrifying because these are families that have sacrificed a lot in order to do it.

Being told that maybe you should have worked less, spent more time with your kids, created a more relaxed and nurturing home environment, skipped the intensive enrichments and competitive private schools, and your children would actually be BETTER off for it? You have to shut it down because it's too upsetting a thought.[/quote]

This resonates with me (as a two-career family).  I grew up with a stay at home mom and think back longingly on my unstructured afternoons afterschool.  My kids are in aftercare now -- which they love, and which I appreciate for its "open play" mentality, but which I know is not the same as what I had.  At the same time, my mom has confessed to me that she wishes she felt like she could have worked instead of staying home (various cultural pressures were at play that kept her at home).  And I know my kids are happy, just in different ways than I am (and in many of the same ways!).  We try to keep our weekends as open ended and unstructured as possible.  My kids are still in early ES so of course if they express an interest in joining a team or whatever we'll let them, but for now I feel like the very least I can do is give them that unstructured time when DH and I are home and not working.  We also try to set them up with holiday break camps etc that really value the "free range, build a fort in the woods or draw a picture of the bird" or whatever they want, when we can.  Even if it's more institutional than the truly free play that I had as a kid, there are ways for dual working parents to basically pay for that, albeit still in a more structured way than I'm remembering.

One of us could stay home -- DH and I have talked about this at various points -- but we're both very happy with our jobs, doing "good work" so feeling like we're making meaningful contributions to society there, and also, realistically, my SAH life still probably wouldn't involve the free-ranging neighborhood roaming that I had for my kids, for a variety of reasons.  I also don't think I'd be happier at home.  So we're sticking with our current situation but trying to build in a good amount of free play for the kids when we can.[/quote]

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