Reply to Can a friend group be toxic for some people but not for others?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’re missing a critical detail. Why was Kelly kicked out? I agree the targets social awkwardness can precipitate this, but so can jealousy. Is Kelly very pretty? Wealthy? [/quote]

Why would this matter?[/quote]

+1[/quote]

PP. I realize now this looks like I’m trying to blame Kelly. I’m not. I’ve been Kelly twice, once in high school and again in graduate school, so it probably reflects my own ruminations about my personal experiences.

In my case, it was long simmering, deep seated jealousy. (It took me years to admit this, because who wants to be the girl who thinks everyone is jealous of her?!) In both cases, I had something another person wanted (supportive parents and then a strong career + high earning spouse), had a minor misunderstanding or disappointment, and got totally iced out of a group. It hurts, very deeply. I spent years wondering what had happened. It took me a long time accept that those people had disliked me for a very long time and when they finally got a chance to push me out, even over something trivial, they seized it. [/quote]

This is fairly common. [b]This is why it's dangerous to socialize with people who have a noticeable gap in socioeconomic standing or anything status based. They will never see you as a sympathetic figure if you have more than them in some area.[/b] Been there, done that, learned my lesson.  [/quote]

PP. Sadly, it’s a lesson I’ve had to learn too. It’s unfortunate. In both cases, the “mean girl” wasn’t the stereotypical queen bee. It was the somewhat quiet nerdy girl and the stocky, athletic girl who was seen as one of the guys. I think  that’s what led to people co-signing their bad behavior - they were perceived as the social underdog compared to me. (Nevermind, for example, that both had parents more educated than mine. Mine were less well off, but more emotionally supportive. ) I was shocked at the total lack of sympathy I received + how people bought their side of events, hook line and sinker. I think the socioeconomic part was huge to your point. Lesson learned. [/quote]

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