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Reply to "Can a friend group be toxic for some people but not for others?"
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[quote=Anonymous]I notice that you said upfront that the rumors about her were untrue. So at least from your viewpoint, what happened to her was based on a falsehood. Maybe the bullies *felt* like it was true based on their jealousies and insecurities, at least in essence, but that tells me that at least a couple of people in the group are not to be trusted - that they don't have the character, maturity, and self-awareness I would want in a friend. But it's a group of 15 people, so you may decide that you can be a part of it without being close to everyone in it. Group dynamics are tricky, and we can all say confidently that we'd never ignore our conscience or go along with bullying, but the truth is that we probably do turn a blind eye to situations where we don't want the hassle. I'm part of a friend group with a woman who appears to be a professional victim, and I've seen her stories morph from a minor interaction that was kind of her fault to an egregious attack on her that's practically restraining order worthy. And since it's about 10 of us, I don't know what my responsibility is. It would be pretty disruptive for me to say, "Um actually, that's not how you told the story the first time." So I just ignore those conversations, mostly, because I want to keep the friend group -- it adds value to my life. But would I trust the compulsive liar with my secrets? Definitely not. With your situation, I would definitely be wary. It they did it to her, they could do it to you. I would hold those particular woman at arms' length. But it would be a shame to give up your hobby because of them. I do like the idea of standing up for Kelly next time she comes up . . . it may free some of the others up to do the same. And yes, it may cause more drama and divisions, but I'd rather know sooner than later if that is coming down the road for me.[/quote]
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