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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents had favorites growing up and pitted the siblings against each other.  We're now in our late 30s and 40s and it's become clear that none of have functioning relationships.  It's all coming to a head this holiday season with the parts of the family no longer speaking with each other.

I don't think there's any way we'll ever really be a family again.  The favored siblings are narcissistic.  The disfavored siblings are angry and hurt, cutting themselves off from the family.  My parents continue to escalate and play favorites.  Apparently the new boundaries by the hurt siblings have my mom saying she wants to die, but it's unclear if she's really suicidal or if it's more manipulation.

It's so hard to decide to walk away from the mess and give up on having a family (and grandparents for your kids) or to keep engaging with the endless drama, bullying, favortism, and hurt feelings.  Partial boundaries haven't worked.[/quote]

It may sound harsh, but remember your parents will die. Whenever my parents made me angry or hurt, I asked myself if I wanted to feel like this when they were gone. It led me to radical acceptance, which gave me peace to stay above it all. Now they are dead and I am so thankful I took the high road and focused on the positive. Dwelling on hurt wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. I am glad I woke up in time. Sending love, patience and hope to you. [/quote]
Yeah, this is part of what I'm struggling with.  I don't really have a relationship with my father--he never wanted me and has rejected me my whole life, despite adoring two of my siblings.  By contrast, my mom can be really great at times, but is likely bipolar with delusions.  She can go from great to accusing me of things that never happened to sobbing to malicious gossip to screaming to a silent treatment to great again in the course of a month. You never know which person you'll get. She's also super judgemental of my parenting and decision not to SAH, on top of being super racist, so that's hard to deal with too.  And a relationship with her requires a relationship with my narcissistic siblings, so that's hard.  I just don't know.  Will I regret not spending more time with her?  I really miss the good times, but at the last family event my sister was physically violent (threw a Yeti mug at me) in front of my kids with my mother backing her up and accusing me of things that never happened.  When is it not worth it any more?  I don't know.[/quote]

I’m the pp at 15:55

I never regretted going no contact with my manipulative and histrionic mother.

I regretted every time I let her back in in any way.

When she passed, it was a relief. She continued pitting my sibling and I against each other until she died and beyond.

No contact was my only relief from her. YMMV.[/quote]

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