Reply to Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful

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Reply to "Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Etc me guess you were always a bit smug about having the perfect family and parents with the perfect relationship.
And now you have to be an adult and realize perfect doesn't exist.
Time to grow the hell up.
This really doesn't concern you at all.
Yet you've decided to make it your personal tragedy that suggests a degree of narcissism and inappropriate levels of codependency.
[/quote]

I wouldn't have been so harsh, but this is true. There's enough emoting and hand-wringing about posters' own betrayals by their spouses that seem completely over the top on this board, but feeling that way about parental affairs? This isn't the end of the world. Your surviving parent may have been fine with it. There might have been reasons for this situation. You can start hating your deceased parent's guts now, but I think you should accept that you will never know the full picture, and therefore cannot judge.

[/quote]

And affair has nothing to do with parent’s love for you. Your reaction is over the top.[/quote]

An affair actually has a lot to do with how much you love your children. If you love your children, you’re not selfish and do things that can hurt them deeply, which include addiction, abuse, and affairs.

The reality is this parent cared more about themselves than they did anybody else in the family, including the children.[/quote]

Yeah, can someone please think of adult children!

It's not about you.  Not everything in this world is about you.[/quote]

Touched a nerve, eh?[/quote]

Exactly, there are some cheaters on here trying to gaslight OP. It's so natural for them to lie and gaslight.

It's pathetic. [/quote]

I’m not sure all the posters trying to gaslight and attack OP are cheaters. Some of them, probably yes, because they have a narcissistic need to believe that nobody is hurt by their actions.

But I actually think most of the posters attacking OP are the same group of DCUM posters who attack anyone who shows they have a close family. DCUM has a group of posters who have familial relationships that are very distanced and lonely-sounding. They interact with each other as if their family members were as important to them as the mailman. They are pleasant to each other and they nod in passing in the morning as they go to the kitchen to breakfast. They may eat dinner together, as they do with a work colleague. But they aren’t close, and while they don’t have the self-awareness to understand why, they do dimly understand that they are missing something.

This group attacks any posters on DCUM who show signs of having a close familial relationship. It is of course perfectly normal in a close family to go what OP is going through. But to the attackers, this is a sign of what they don’t have, the depth of relationship they never had with their parents. So they attack.

It’s the same group of people who attack posters who say they miss their kids at college, or who attack posters who miss siblings who move across the country. The pattern is similar: someone posts something heartfelt and these posters descend on the thread to gaslight them OP. OP should ignore them, but the fact her thread attracted them is a sign to OP that she is right to be upset. Her response is that of a normal person. [/quote]

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