Reply to I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It may have absolutely nothing to do with you.

There are women around here who aren't happy unless someone is being excluded.  It sounds crazy but I've completely seen it happen among adult women around here.

The cache of an event in their minds goes way up if it's not an open event.  
I have a "friend" like this.  Her MO (consciously or unconsciously--I've never been sure) is "an event isn't worth attending unless there is someone else being excluded." 
This goes for kid parties, mom-friend parties, etc.

Clearly it's warped thinking and I'm not sure it's always purposeful but it happens.  [/quote]

Yup. Real and not limited to the DMV.

All of this is driven by insecurity.

If you spend time around people who are genuinely secure in themselves and their place in life, none of them have "exclusive" friend groups. They just have friends. I've also noticed that as I have become more secure in myself as a person, I spend more time with my family or by myself, and less time socializing with friends. I still get together with friends but less often and never get that feeling I used to sometimes get like "is everyone hanging out without me?" Now it's more like "I hope everyone is having fun! Maybe I will text people next week about drinks but this week I just want to do movie night with DD and focus on finishing up this great novel I just started." I don't get FOMO anymore, even when scrolling social media.[/quote]

I love it and hope to get there.[/quote]

It's JOMO -- the joy of missing out.

When I see pictures from some happy hour/girls night/birthday party/Vegas weekend/etc. that I wasn't invited to now, I genuinely feel happy to have missed it.

I did that stuff for years and I didn't find it that fun. I think there was a period of time when I convinced myself it was fun because I was so happy to *feel included.* It was validating. But if you work on yourself, anything can be validating. This morning I discovered my kid had wet her bed and I got her into an early morning bath and washed her sheets. It was validating! Last night I made a new curry recipe and my DH helped with the chopping and made naan. That felt validating. A friend of mine is on vacation in California (without me!) right now, and I just sent her a text (private, not for anyone's eyes but hers) telling her that her photos she sent looked gorgeous and I hope she's having an amazing time and actually relaxing because I know her job has been super stressful lately. That felt validating.

Because now I validate myself and I do not need other people to like or comment in order to feel like the stuff I'm doing is worthwhile. I know it's worthwhile because it's what I chose to spend my time on.

Some queen bee who wants to look down her nose at me because I don't dress right or I live in the wrong part of the neighborhood or "something about me" rubs her the wrong way? Whoooooo caaaaaaaaares? Truly, beneath my pay grade.[/quote]

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