Reply to I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can only commiserate, OP. It sucks! And yes, no matter how otherwise good I feel about my life, this behavior always hurts.

BUT I can say that I am now mid-40s and it hurts [i]less[/I]. I'm in my 40s now and there is a woman at my kid's school who behaves this way towards me and I have no idea why. At first it really did hurt my feelings and I was feeling kind of glum. But I got over it faster. Recently I saw this woman at a school event and she walked up to me and another person, spoke to the other person for several minutes without acknowledging me, and walked away. I've known this woman for 3 years, our kids are in the same grade, and we have "met" each other at least 2 dozen times at birthday parties and school functions. She always behaves this way.

Anyway, when she did this, I was a bit hurt for a moment, and then I laughed. And I told my husband about it later and. he laughed too. Because it's *crazy*. Imagine working this hard to ignore someone. It's work! She must have some real issues on the inside that the only way she has to deal with this situation is to behave this way. It's childish and effortful.

Try to see the absurdity in it. Be glad you don't feel the need to behave this way.[/quote]

Why don’t you say anything to the other lady when she does this stuff?  I would.  Embarrass her![/quote]
I’m a PP who’s in a somewhat similar situation for demographic reasons. While it would be momentarily fun for OP to give it back, the second she does, they will then have a REAL reason to turn on her and it could escalate. Right now, OP at least has her dignity and can rest secure knowing she’s done nothing to deserve the cold shoulder.[/quote]

I'm the "commiserating" PP above. I agree. I totally understand the urge to call out the behavior, and I think some people have this belief it would be like a movie where everyone else sees what she's doing and sides with me.

[b]But it's not realistic. The women who do this stuff successfully generally have a decent amount of social power. Most people would side with them, even if it was quite obvious their behavior was the problem.

I'd quickly be called "oversensitive" or people would just gaslight me that it never happened at all. My outsider status means that anything I say or do will be automatically suspect, whereas she will be given the benefit of the doubt.[/b]

At least when it's school moms, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel -- eventually these kids won't be in the same school together and I'll probably rarely, if ever, see them again. [/quote]
PP here. Yup, this is exactly how it would go. And then the same people who know full well that the ostracism started before anything OP did would go around saying OP’s “rudeness” is why OP was shunned in the first place. Gossips love their post-hoc rationalizations.

My sister’s vicious MIL, who is thankfully dead now, played her like this. After suffering under her for almost a decade, my sister made the mistake of calling out her MIL’s nasty behavior and some of the most awful things she had done. Before my sister knew it, everyone in her husband’s circle (including those who hated MIL and complained about MIL in private) had turned on her and sided with MIL as the “victim.” And her husband did nothing to defend her (worthless man). MIL’s social power in that circle meant it was easier to close ranks against my sister than stand with her and that’s what they did. Years later, they’re still gossiping about how MIL “tried so hard” with my sister, but had no choice but to shun my sister after my sister “went nuts.” The difficult, but smarter approach would have been for my sister to ignore MIL and refuse to give her anything real to point to.[/quote]

Oh my gosh this is awful but yes now as an adult I understand.[/quote]

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