Reply to I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can only commiserate, OP. It sucks! And yes, no matter how otherwise good I feel about my life, this behavior always hurts.

BUT I can say that I am now mid-40s and it hurts [i]less[/I]. I'm in my 40s now and there is a woman at my kid's school who behaves this way towards me and I have no idea why. At first it really did hurt my feelings and I was feeling kind of glum. But I got over it faster. Recently I saw this woman at a school event and she walked up to me and another person, spoke to the other person for several minutes without acknowledging me, and walked away. I've known this woman for 3 years, our kids are in the same grade, and we have "met" each other at least 2 dozen times at birthday parties and school functions. She always behaves this way.

Anyway, when she did this, I was a bit hurt for a moment, and then I laughed. And I told my husband about it later and. he laughed too. Because it's *crazy*. Imagine working this hard to ignore someone. It's work! She must have some real issues on the inside that the only way she has to deal with this situation is to behave this way. It's childish and effortful.

Try to see the absurdity in it. Be glad you don't feel the need to behave this way.[/quote]

Why don’t you say anything to the other lady when she does this stuff?  I would.  Embarrass her![/quote]
I’m a PP who’s in a somewhat similar situation for demographic reasons. While it would be momentarily fun for OP to give it back, the second she does, they will then have a REAL reason to turn on her and it could escalate. Right now, OP at least has her dignity and can rest secure knowing she’s done nothing to deserve the cold shoulder.[/quote]

I'm the "commiserating" PP above. I agree. I totally understand the urge to call out the behavior, and I think some people have this belief it would be like a movie where everyone else sees what she's doing and sides with me.

But it's not realistic. The women who do this stuff successfully generally have a decent amount of social power. Most people would side with them, even if it was quite obvious their behavior was the problem.

I'd quickly be called "oversensitive" or people would just gaslight me that it never happened at all. My outsider status means that anything I say or do will be automatically suspect, whereas she will be given the benefit of the doubt.

At least when it's school moms, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel -- eventually these kids won't be in the same school together and I'll probably rarely, if ever, see them again. [/quote]

Naah.  You gotta call out the bad behavior and embarrass them.  When the lady pretends to not know who you are, loudly say oh my goodness, are you ok, are you incurring memory loss?  We’ve met 100 times.  How is your family dealing with it?

Or if she ignores you and says hi to someone you are talking to, just say well hello to you lady.  I’m standing here too.  I’m doing well, how about you.

[/quote]

This is fine if you have zero interest in maintaining relationships or a good reputation with anyone else in the group.

I would not do this with women from my kid's school because the blowback could impact my kid. I also wouldn't do this at work unless I was ready to leave that job and for sure didn't need recommendations for my next job.

I would do this with mean women at a gym or in a new mom's group because whatever, you can ditch the whole group.

It feels great to call people out but you have to consider how people will interpret it. And if you've found yourself on the wrong side of a "queen bee" there is a high likelihood that you will come off as "drama-prone" or "oversensitive" or even "a mean girl." You can decide for yourself if those outcomes bother you, but the dream that it will play out like the climax scene in a movie about bullying is a fantasy. IRL, people do not turn on the mean but powerful friend they've spent years cozying up to in order to protect their own social position.[/quote]

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