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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Each child gets the share that was planned for them or what's left of their share. There is no transfer of one fund to the other.  That would be terribly unfair, since there was no discussion prior to enrollment that a transfer might be a possibility should one of them receive a scholarship.

[b]In the future, everyone needs to understand that big money questions need to be fully explored, and things need to be spelled out on paper.[/b] No verbal agreement that some then conveniently forget. Since it's family, and contracts are probably not enforceable, a written honor agreement should suffice.

[/quote]
OMG. No! What in the world?! Kids are not entitled to "full exploration" and "things spelled out on paper" of their parents' money. Absolutely not. [/quote]

That’s why at least one of your kids will resent you in adulthood.

Kids want to be treated fairly. They know the world isn’t fair. Their parents should be. [/quote]

Kids are treated fairly, each one gets exactly what they need at that point in their life.   For one it might be PT/OT/Tutoring/therapy for 5-6 years when young, for another it might be intensive sports from early age with travel/competitions/etc, for another it might involve braces.  All of our kids had a car to drive once they had a license, but sometimes it was a different car--one had a 5 yo car, another had a brand new car at 17 because the older sibling took the older/kid car to college.  Each kid can go to the best college for them, if it's $90K/year for each kid we will fund it.  If one wants to go to med school or grad school or law school we will fund that.  if the other kid doesn't want to do that, we as parents will decide what we might do for them, but it's not a guaranteed  $ for $ of what we pay for grad school for the other. However if that kid decides to attend graduate school of some type we will pay, and if they come to us and say "we want to start a company and need feeder money we would consider helping if the idea is sound.

We will likely help all kids with a downpayment when the time comes, but the one who goes to the cheaper college is not entitled to extra money later.  We haven't kept a spreadsheet since the kids were little with what we spent, and we don't plan to start now that they are in college and beyond.   [/quote]

Actually that's no tiara.  OT/PT/Tutoring/Therapy is not comparable to Sports/travel.  Kids should get therapies and tutoring and braces without it being a competition but each kid should get the same amount for a car, college, etc.[/quote]

But using your logic and the need to "track what is spent" wouldn't you have a kid who says "you spent $40K on sibling and look at me, I didn't need any of that so give me my check"

Because if you raise your kids to expect "life is fair and it's dollar for dollar" they I'd expect them to do the above.  I'd be embarrassed to have a kid who did that.  Apparently you wouldn't. 
[/quote]

OP here.  My children understand that the world is not going to be fair to them but they know that their father is going to treat them equally and fairly, and that's my job as a father.  Both DS#1 and DS#2 are comfortable with the decision that #2 gets his share because he receives an athletic scholarship.  DW is not happy with it but she has to respect it because they need to be treated as adults.  If #2 wants to split the money with #1, that's his choice (they are very tight with each other).  [/quote]

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