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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.[/quote]

What does sympathetic with the downtrodden mean?

He volunteers a lot at church? 
Or he’s an anti-capitalist SJW who believes every OpEd in Wash Post?[/quote]

OP. Both actually.

He’s almost perverse in his rejection of what most people do to succeed. Like he works in a job with certain expectations for success and yet coaches himself not to let those metrics “define him.” I feel like buddy if it’s your job don’t fight it, do it. [/quote]

OP, you sound like the loser in this situation. [/quote]

No she doesn’t. They just sound incompatible.

The guy also sounds like he has a bit of a chip on his shoulders and can’t quite function in mainstream society. [/quote]

She does indeed sound like a loser. By her own admission this man is sweet, compassionate and accomplished. Yet, he is a loser in her mind because he is not wealthy. That makes her a loser. [/quote]

I am also willing to bet he actually has a fair amount of wealth — home equity, retirement savings, maybe a pension. That frugality including a roommate sounds financially strategic, not desperate to make a mortgage payment (he might also have been lonely at one point, or helped someone out who needed a place to live). He just doesn’t lavish spending. Sounds like she might leave him and then some day he dies with $20 million he leaves to the university scholarship fund or something.[/quote]

[b]Correct, for whatever reasons, he doesn’t want to enjoy whatever money he has or he lets his date pay for everything[/b]. Which gets insulting after a short while.

Maybe he’s a hippie and needs to only date overeducated unambituous hippies. [/quote]

Exactly - he has the money but prefers to enjoy outings at OP’s expense. Not even contributing equally into things they would both enjoy. 
I was dating someone like that and it didn’t last [/quote]

DP. It's almost funny how now it's simply assumed to be "correct" that some PPs insist this man has money, even "wealth." All based on nothing but the projections and assumptions of various PPs in the thread. So what if he does? So what if he doesn't? It's crystal clear that OP holds him in contempt and thinks he's not ambitious enough, so she needs to stop waffling around and break it off with him. This isn't complicated. They have very different values, and that's what would sink them in time if they actually kept dating. [/quote]

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