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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP stop being stingy manipulative and exclusionary. You know you’re supposed to invite her. And you also know you can foot the extra airfare. You’re just looking for someone here to validate your POV, and no one here does. My DD is dating someone whose mom is like you, gives her no respect, treats the serious relationship like it’s a throwaway. My DD has already said that if they get married, and have kids, she will not prioritize holidays with the in laws bc of how they treat her. You’re making your bed. [/quote]

Oh my goodness people! OP here. I guess I should know that this would happen on DCUM. I was actually really asking for thoughts, because I wanted to see what others thought. This is all new territory for us, first adult child (we have several younger kids). I do appreciate the responses, they are helpful and will help us make up our minds -- even if a lot of them assume scenarios that aren't true!

(I quoted my favorite one, because jeez! Talk about projecting) 
[/quote]

What have you actually learned so far, OP?

Bet you won’t answer.[/quote]

Well, looks like I was right. OP won’t answer.[/quote]

I said we'll probably invite her and pay?

I think a lot of people are projecting here about their own relationships with in laws! Son was absolutely consulted, before GF entered the picture at all (long planned trip) and has been super excited about it. We haven't bought the tickets yet and were trying to figure out how to talk to him about it (consulting him) since he's likely assuming she will go and we will pay without even a discussion. Man you people are mean and assume the worst. Life is hard and we're all just trying to figure stuff out. [/quote]

You need to do some serious rethinking about how you handle money and your adult kids. Clearly if he doesn’t marry this girlfriend, he will marry another one in a few years. You said it yourself. Despite all evidence that this is a very serious relationship with a strong possibility of marriage, you want to give large gifts to your son only and treat the girlfriend differently.  You also (expressly or impliedly) are using your money to get your son to do something you want (join the family vacation) and now are also considering using your money as a way to discourage the girlfriend from attebding. That’s going to be a minefield of resentment if you don’t get it under control. You need to truly internalize that when your son gets married he becomes a financial unit with his wife. That means you cannot/should not control him with money, and any gifts you make will be to them together. You can let him decide how to handle any inheritance. If you want to make a very large gift (like a downpayment on a house) there are ways you could try to maintain more control but you need to tread extremely carefully there. [/quote]

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