Reply to Self preservation Strategies when husband sucks but your staying together for thr kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just decided to be the best wife that I can, even if it doesn’t feel genuine.  I kiss him hello and make food he likes to eat and point out the good things he does to the kids, so they know what to emulate.  I ask for help when I need it, and I am really specific on what it is that I need from him.  I say please and thank you, and I give a lot of blowjobs.  
If I’m going to continue to be his wife, I might as well be good at it.  Just because he’s a crappy spouse doesn’t mean that I have to be. 
[/quote]

I kind of wish you would do a spinoff thread because I am trying to do this but it makes me feel dead inside and depressed to care for and be loving towards someone who treats me like crap when he feels like it. You mentioned yours has anger issues too and I'm exhausted trying to walk on eggshells to prevent another unpredictable outburst. We have very young kids and I'm not yet financially stable, but the idea of my daughter selecting a partner who treats her similarly is terrifying and I could never get over that guilt. So I'm working on trying to get financially stronger even though I will be much worse off financially even in the best case scenario. [/quote]

I am not sure what’s going on with you.  I guess that if you really wanted to try to get past it, I would start with the one positive you mentioned, which is that he financially supports you and your children.  So, I would tell him that I appreciate how hard he works to support you and the kids, and have the kids thank him whenever he buys something special or expensive.

Your daughter is 1/2 your husband, so saying kind things about him will probably increase her sense of self worth, rather than decrease it.  I’m not saying that you validate him shouting or being mean, but pointing out the positive things he does is only going to be a net positive for your family.  [/quote]

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