Reply to Touched Out: Is Motherhood a Scam?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am watching a friend of mine try to juggle her aging parents and her husband's aging parents and I swear they are having the same arguments they had when they had toddlers.  "You have no idea what's involved in taking your father to the bank.  you think I can just pick him up at the nursing home and put him in the car.  I have to take all these things with me and then I have to negotiate with him about his walker, and then he needs to be home in time to have a nap."  And then her husband accuses her of whining.  He says it's no big deal because he' has never done it.

And every day after work, she has to deal with all this stuff.  And she has to remember all the old people's doctor's appointments, and their medications and whether anyone needs new pajamas -- and her husband acts like it all just magically gets done. And then her husband accuses her of whining.

And she talks about how she's exhausted and she literally never gets a break and how she doesn't have time for her own healthcare or to exercise, etc.  And then her husband accuses here of whining.

if you think it's over once your kids are self-sufficient, guess what?  It's not.  This is round two.  And
that's kind of the point -- Men just do this clueless, obliviousness number on us, and they never learn.[/quote]

Why is she managing his parents?  Let him do it.  [/quote]

SAHMs often wind up segueing from childcare to elder care because they "have the time" as the kids go to school. I have a friend who went back to work when her youngest was in 1st specifically because she read the writing on the wall in terms of how she'd be pushed into elder care by not only her husband but her siblings. It wasn't what she signed up for -- she loved being home with her kids and taking care of their household, but driving often ungrateful or even abusive elders to appointments, taking care of their homes, and working with their doctors wasn't how she wanted to spend the next 10-15 years of her life.

She's sad now that her kids are in aftercare and she's tired all the time and it's harder to go on vacation and summers, in particular, are much more difficult. But it forced both families to actually pay for elder care and to split the remaining work equitably among the adult kids in that family, instead of leaving all of it to my friend.[/quote]

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