Reply to DH's College GF Died

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Alright I'll be the outlier here. I'm with you, OP. I would not feel good about my husband wanting to attend the funeral of his ex-girlfriend from 25 years ago - especially not comfortable about him going to the trouble and expense of traveling to another city. Feels wrong to me. I have ex boyfriends from 25 years ago with whom I haven't stayed in touch. Some were intense relationships. Would not travel for their funeral.

Not saying there's anything suspicious about this. I'm just saying I relate to how you feel. I would be put out if my husband told me he wanted to attend his ex-girlfriend's funeral out of town.[/quote]

Another outlier. While I do think OP is way overthinking things, I also think posts on this thread have been extremely, some very nastily, knee-jerk insulting to OP for owning and voicing her feelings here. There is nothing wrong or bad about her feeling that this sudden desire of DH's to fly to a funeral for someone he had not spoken to in, what, 24 years?, seems off kilter. Just having and admitting her feelings does not somehow make OP "psycho" as some idiot PP insisted, nor does it mean she wants to control her DH or whatever other nonsense people love to post on DCUM.

But if he IS in touch with a mutual friend group from college and they're all going I can see how he might feel he wanted to go as well--for them, for mutual support, as much as, probably more than, for the sake of someone he hasn't spoken to or seen in decades.

Importantly, if her death is the first among anyone he knows from college days, this is not only about her having been a GF, but also about her simply being the first in his own generation he knows who has died. That rocks some people and doesn't affect others.

The suddenness is probably part of it too; if he'd heard she'd died after a protracted illness, surrounded by her family, quietly, etc., would he then have rushed to a funeral in another city? I can't help but think not. But a sudden, surprising death when everyone in your old friend circle is still going along OK, well, that makes some people suddenly rather aware of their own mortality, and wanting to see and be reassured by old friends from that time.

So probably bigger context going on than just "she was his college GF, why does he care?", OP. Worth considering. [/quote]

And if his going didn't have to do with reconnecting with old college friends, and did have to do with love that he used to have for an ex, what is wrong with that? It's very human to go through love and loss, and to act like he never loved anyone else is really childish. Like other posters said, it's a sign of maturity for him to want to honor this relationship that he had. The fact that OP is threatened by this is really petty and small minded   [/quote]

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