Reply to Anyone else just stop initiating or asking for sex from their partner?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did. I am just not that interested in sex. DH doesn't make an effort to make me interested in sex, and he is really busy and often just not interested himself. But he still initiates about 3x per month and we are both generally content with the situation.

OP I think that backing off is a good idea. Once you spouse doesn't feel like sex is about appeasing you (so, a choose) he or she might become interested again. [/quote]

Exactly. And be patient. If it doesn’t work the first year or two, don’t give up. Marriage is a lifetime commitment [/quote]

I don’t know.  Going months without sex sounds intolerable to me.  Cheating is inadvisable at best but I don’t really judge people in these situations.  The spouse withholding sex is really damaging the relationship and lacking empathy.

-woman[/quote]

It's really messed up to conceptualize not wanting to have sex as "withholding." It implies that somebody else is entitled to your body. Also, it is unlikely that the one who doesn't want to have sex is the only one to blame for any damage it causes in the relationship. Most of the time the spouse who wants more sex has little empathy for the one who doesn't want sex. Just think of men who complain of women making them jump over hoops for sex when the women are run down by kids and working a full-time job and housework that the men refuse to share. [/quote]

Messed up or not, marriage confers a responsibility on both parties to try to make the other person happy.  You may be exhausted, you may be unhappy with the division of labor, you may be physically unwell, whatever, it is up to both parties in the marriage to communicate and come up with conditions both parties can live with.

Maybe that is opening up the marriage, maybe it is scheduling sex one day a week, maybe it is getting divorced.  But you can’t just leave the other person hanging.  Someone will always be “more wrong,” someone will always do more chores, someone will always make more money, it doesn’t matter.  You can’t sit there counting beans while your partner grows more and more resentful.[/quote]

+1. I've been married 20 years and firmly believe you cannot separate sex from marriage. Sex is a part of marriage, and a sexless marriage is an unhealthy marriage. That doesn't mean one partner has to give up entirely (either partner), but it's on both partners to work on finding a mutually satisfactory middle ground. [/quote]

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