Reply to How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids

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Reply to "How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the less you go on trips though, the less exposure your kids will have to doing this differently and being more flexible. [/quote]

We have tried this. We went to the beach this summer (just our fam) and one or both of the kids had daily meltdowns. Most days we didn’t get to the beach til 11. We tried eating out and DD cried because the pizza was not the kind she liked and the music was too loud. They can’t even eat Mac and cheese if it’s not the preferred type. [/quote]

Op, I think your kids may need ABA and feeding therapy. And yes, your friends would notice this. Anyone would. Trying to hide these kinds of issues will require you are social pariahs. [/quote]

I disagree - and not just because I disagree with ABA.  
I think OP has both a kid problem AND a husband problem. The husband expects the kids to act NT and also likely expects them to react to discipline and motivation methods more suited for NT kids.

OP - I think you need to determine what the critical parts of a vacation or event are and then make a plan to help that thing be successful. Getting to the beach at a certain time, not shouting in restaurants, not having potty accidents, kids sleeping all night in their own bed. [b]But you can’t have ALL the things. Just pick one and work on a plan.[/b] If you want to be at the beach by 9am, recognize that your expectations for what kids eat pre-beach or how many times you need to take them for a potty break may not be ideal. If you want them to behave a certain way at a restaurant for dinner, what things do you do in the afternoon to increase the chances of success? Do your kids need a quiet rest time after lunch to reduce the chances of sensory overload? If bedtime is a struggle, can you move dinner up so the kids are not all amped up from a loud busy restaurant?

Your husband needs to realize it’s a team effort to set up SN kids for success and that success may include having different standards or expectations aligned with your actual children - not the children he wishes he had.

And Yes! It is really really crappy that you both have to coordinate and plan ahead and work SO HARD just to have a simple outing that other families take for granted. [/quote]

I mean this nicely, but no, you need more than one of those things to make a trip, especially with a group, successful.  At least 2-3 if you're not going to negatively impact the rest of the families.  OP is right to understand her kids' limitations and what will and won't work in this situation.

That said, I think that you should absolutely let these close friends in on what your family is dealing with so that you have support and don't feel so isolated.  And I find your DH's behavior extremely controlling/concerning, and share the concerns outlined by others upthread.[/quote]

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