Reply to How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids

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Reply to "How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I tried to talk to my DH and he said the only thing he’s comfortable sharing is that our kids have some behavior challenges but he flipped out when I suggested sharing more. He kept going on and on about how I constantly overshare to try and make friends and it backfires on me, that this is personal info the kids will be judged on, that my friends will tell other parents in our small and competitive community and our kids will be judged, etc. He shut down any suggestion that people could grant us accommodation or Grace from disclosing additional information by saying that our kids have to live in this community for the next 15 years and he’ll be damned if I share their diagnoses with my friends because it’s not their business and they will judge us and tell other parents and gossip. And he said he’d rather be judged as an overbearing parent than have our kids private medical information shared. He said even when we have shared in the past about other medical issues they had (acute things) people don’t remember the details, just that your child has a problem. I don’t really know what to do…we are so far from being on the same page about this, and I don’t know how to get us on the same page. I’ve suggested marital counseling and therapy periodically for years (not just this but other issues) and he always says I’m the one with issues and I need to go but that he doesn’t. [/quote]

As a non-neurotypical adult with a child with ASD and ADHD, I would urge you and your husband to consider being open about your child's challenges.  For years I tried to hide my diagnosis for friends and co-workers.  Although I was sucessful at work, I was constantly afraid that if my co-workers learned about my diagnosis, I would be not respected as an equal. When it became clear that my child struggled with similar challenges, I realized that by hiding my own diagnosis, I was giving him the subtle message that not being neurotypical is something to be ashamed of.  There is nothing wrong with being different.  In my opionion, when you try to hide your child's diagnosis, you are telling them that they have something to be ashamed of. [/quote]

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