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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree that he is controlling you.  I would tell him that you are going to have to have to get a job because there is not enough money.  He is going to have to figure out childcare and all of the things that you do as a SAHM because you won't have time to do them since you will be working.

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The plan is, my spouse is going to quit his job next year and take a little time off to contemplate a career change, and get a new part time gig while figuring something out. I’m supportive. At that time I can start interviewing to re-enter the workforce, which will honestly be a bit tough for me with the large gap in employment and the fact that my field is pretty competitive with a lot of younger people in it who are willing to work for less. And I also have a lot of commitments- I’m [b]serving terms on several boards and committees and run a non profit.[/b] So I’ll either have to quit all those or I’ll have to also do part time.

I’m kind of freaking out about how all the things will get done at that time and afraid that all the house and kid stuff will still fall on me since much of it has been 100 percent my responsibility since the beginning. And then I’ll be stuck doing way more than my share or just completely drowning. [/quote]

Ok, so your husband makes $250k, your house is paid off, and you serve on multiple boards. Is this a family money situation? Something doesn’t add up.[/quote]

I think you are thinking too big. OP is probably on the board of her swim club, HOA, PTA, kids’ scout troop, youth sports club, etc. And OP is right that if it weren’t for parent volunteers, a lot of our kids’ lives would be very different.

But many of us are volunteering on top of working and running our homes, and spending less than $3500/month on groceries and utilities.[/quote]

There is no family money.  We both had nearly full ride scholarships for undergrad. My spouse had a full scholarship for graduate.  And then racked up a ton of debt for post-graduate education, but recently got the remainder of those loans forgiven because my spouse is employed at a non-profit. We scrimped and saved in our early years together when we weren't making much.  We paid for our own wedding on a very small budget. We bought an old house within our means, and then paid it off when the markets were crap because we thought it would be better than investing our savings. And also, ultimately, we got lucky and invested our savings well.

As for the boards and committees, the work I do determines the future of the place you live.

And for heaven's sake, it's not that I don't think we can't live on $3500/month.  We could if we had to.  But that's my point, we don't HAVE to. I honestly don't understand what you all are saying.  Are you all saying that $250k/yr isn't a lot of money? It is to me.  And that $3500/month is too much to spend for that salary?  That's only 25% of the take home pay.  And that $3500 [b]includes a whole lot of expenses and incidentals (way more than just groceries and utilities), and also includes medical/dental bills, gifts to our families, and often paying for things like vacation or meal expenses for our family members who don't have the means to pay, and charity donations. [/b]

[b]I started working 7 years before my spouse started working, and I've put in 15 full-time working years so far, and my spouse has put in 19. Now my spouse wants to step back which I support.  And I want to step back IN. Partly because working is more interesting and engaging and rewarding than the day-to-day grind of cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, yard work, and serving our non-appreciative kids who complain about my cooking and cleaning and parenting. Partly because I'd like more financial control and spending power. And partly because of people like you all who judge someone who doesn't bring in a paycheck.  But I'm not going back to work because our household needs the money.  My spouse doesn't even want me to go back to work, and therein lies a bit of my anxiety because I think my spouse has gotten used to a certain split of responsiblitiies.[/b]

And frankly, there are just some things that my spouse cannot or will not do, and I'm not making excuses.  Has certain exceptional strengths, but also certain exceptional weaknesses that make domestic life not a great fit.  
[b]So I think I'd have to plan to hire a home manager or housekeeper.[/b]

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Why do you trickle down all of your information??
We're how many pages in and you keep adding new information that you should have added on the first page. 
Every time you post new information trickles out, I just don't get this.

How cam we be expected to answer your question if you don't ever provide the full context?? [/quote]

First of all, half of what I wrote above, I've said in my OP, but I'm repeating because people just aren't reading closely  Second of all, if I wrote a 2 page OP with every single detail, I'm sure everyone would complain it was too long. And I forget that most of the people who come here have vastly different financial and family situations than all of our social circles. None of us have "family money", none of us consider $250k HHI a low income, and most of us have don't have family support - we support our families. [/quote]

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