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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone I know who married a man whose father had walked out have ALL ended up divorced, no matter how much they swore they would never be like Dad. In his mind if your kids are grown, he is not doing the same thing.

Wake up and smell the coffee, OP. He is less and less invested in the family, earning dramatically less, while wanting $ to go to support his family and his trips. He is a taker and you and your parents have enabled him.

If you are still married after you inherit and comingle funds, I for one will be SHOCKED. He does not love you, he uses you and your parents for cash. After they die he can get 1/2 if comingled and his freedom. If they said they were leaving it all to ASPCA he'd leave sooner.

How did your parents get to be so wealthy while being so naive?

And why do you talk about "our" vs. "his" financial plans. There is no "our."[/quote]

+1 The part that I don't understand is why her parents are leaving $200K directly to OP's husband. If they're staying married, then just leave it to OP. Plus he's visiting OP's dad for 2 hours per week in exchange for hundreds of thousands per year to support his family and his hobbies, plus $200K directly to him when OP's parents die. He's not visiting some poor relation out of altruism. It's really weird for OP's parents to leave the money to the SIL. This whole situation is very fishy.[/quote]

The $200k thing happened recently. We’ve been married for 20 years and he has done a ton for my parents throughout the marriage. They love him like a son.

While I would use my inheritance to our family’s benefit, I never said we would commingle all my inheritance. I am not sure where you and PP got that idea, but it’s crappy to be disparaging when you lack reading comprehension. [/quote]

No one assumed that you're commingling your inheritance. It's just really weird for your parents to leave money directly to your husband. Stop getting so defensive and try to see that many posters are trying to help you recognize some really messed up behaviors that you've been tolerating. No matter how you slice it, your husband is treating you very badly. Don't post if you don't want to hear it.[/quote]

The PPs said just that.

“If you are still married after you inherit and comingle funds, I for one will be SHOCKED. He does not love you, he uses you and your parents for cash. After they die he can get 1/2 if comingled and his freedom. If they said they were leaving it all to ASPCA he'd leave sooner.

How did your parents get to be so wealthy while being so naive?”[/quote]

PP, and OP: if you can name a context in which the word “commingling” is on the mind of someone not planning to be divorced, I’d be surprised.[/quote]

So this is also a big ruse to get 1/2 of a multimillion dollar inheritance at age 65-70 after 35-40 years of marriage? [/quote]

Why do YOU think someone would be seeking to reverse a commingling?

Unlikely that years 1-30 were a ruse, but who knows about the recent ones. That’s sometimes how ruses go.[/quote]

Look OP, it's not like he started the first date with divorce in mind. It's more that he was looking for someone to support him and you were a good candidate. Then he starts a series of events that have you supporting him and his family more while he contributes less. Look at the facts:

- Your parents had a high net worth before he married you. In the words of Eddie Murphy "And I'm quite sure he knew."
- Your parents provide financial support to you and your husband.
- You're supporting his family. That's more money siphoned off from your family to his. 
- He lowers his income by 40%.
- You out earn him. 
- He spends more of the family money on trips just for himself. Meanwhile he won't travel with you even though he knows you want it.
- He actually tried to undo the commingling of the $45K he inherited that was already spent on stuff he wanted. He actually asked you to pay him for it.
- You cling to irrational justifications for why he couldn't possibly be having an affair, such as: his dad did (um hello, that makes him more likely to do it), you know where his phone is 24/7 (ok, so his phone didn't sneak out to bonk someone, but he could. or he could just bonk them at the office), your parents are still alive (he's already been milking your family for years).
- You're questioning yourself to the point where you're asking whether you should "repay" him the $45K that you never took from him.

What would you tell a friend who was in this situation? [/quote]

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