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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker [/quote]

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP[/quote]
Why do you even need to be around them when your boyfriend isn’t there? They are allowed to not like you.[/quote]

They don’t need to like me, but they do need to be civil and polite to me, as I am to them. I’m not alone with them for long stretches. I’m talking like, we are sitting at dinner and dad goes inside to get something and their attitude completely changes for the few minutes thwt he is gone,[/quote]

You aren't mature enough for this situation. Please end it[/quote]

You think it’s immature to expect teens to treat people in a civil manner?
[b]
This board of full of so many bitter exes who don’t want their exes dating or remarrying…..[/[/b]quote]

This an example of maturity and politeness?

What I and others are trying to get through your head is in general teens are rude they aren't interested in engaging in chit chat with most adults and definitely not dad's girlfriend. Sure it's frustrating but it's also developmentally normal.

You also seems m completely clueless about how there noms abandonment has and will continue to impact them. You seem to have zero empathy are very focused on yourself.
You aren't equipped to handle this situation and I say this as someone who is the second wife/ stepmom
[/quote]

You have no idea how much empathy I have or have not about this situation. I commented on one narrow piece of my relationship and role with them because that is what relates to the thread. I do a ton for the kids. I am even helping pay the college expenses of the college student since mom makes money (thus decreasing their ability to get aid for college) but refuses to give the kid a dime for college (and no the divorce settlement doesn’t say dad is responsible for all college costs). I found the other kid a therapist by calling around to every one I knew when wait lists were a mile long. I spend a ton of time talking with their dad to help him figure out how to cope with everything and help them.

Yes, it may be normal for some teens to be rude, though I sure taught my now grown child that she needed to be civil to me or other adults, and people in general, and make small talk when appropriate. It’s normal to not want your kids to be rude to others, which is what the op is upset about. She’s looking for advice on how to get her kid to be nicer and better behaved towards others.

My comment was to show perspective of how it feels to be in the date’s position. It is hard to have a lot of your time and energy and money taken up with kids who don’t even seem to like you. That’s the path this man may be going down if he gets involved with a woman whose young son is rude to him and doesn’t seem to like him. If the kid keeps acting that way, he may end the dating relationship, and that would not be selfish or irrational of him to do.

So….if you are divorced…and you have kids…and you want to be in a relationship….which is OP’s situation….then yeah, trying to get your kid to be nicer to your boyfriend is probably the way to go.[/quote]

Why do you want to be in a family of people who don't like you? Is it really that enjoyable? If you could earn your way in with money and administrative stuff and emotionally supporting their dad, it would have worked already. It's not going to.

My mom's boyfriend is a loser, and no matter how many fake favors he does for me, and how many unwanted gifts, he's still going to be a loser. And it's all still going to be stuff he does because he's with my mom, not because he actually cares about me. See how that works? [/quote]

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