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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
This is fairyland thinking. OP can do what she wants, but if one set of grandparents feel like they are getting the shaft, there will likely be bad feelings. OP’s feelings count, but there are other family members who have feelings, too.[/quote]

Disagree.

The set of grandparents "getting the shaft" are getting a self-inflicted shaft; as OP said, they can be "overwhelming" and expect to be treated as guests at all times.
 
If you want to be treated like welcomed family, behave like welcoming family. If you behave like overwhelming guests, you will be treated like overwhelming guests. We teach this to our children. We as parents set an important example by enforcing this. It’s never too late to learn, even for older generations.

[/quote]

Point taken. But we also don’t know where the bar is set for OP’s expectations. I have a SIL who constantly acts as if our mutual MIL is “too much” and “overwhelming.” But my SIL is very rigid and can’t handle when people do things even a little differently than her. Maybe the ILs are perfectly fine and OP is tightly wound. Or maybe they’re pains. Anytime I read one of these posts, I take them with a grain of salt. People are fabulously bad self-reporters…[/quote]

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