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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]9:39. The world does not work that way. We all do things that affect others. Our job is not to keep affirming you every time you make a mistake or are mean because you can’t handle your emotions. People aren’t here just to help you through all your messes. They have their own lives and expectations. You need to simplify your life and take responsibility and pump yourself up. If you do that you will have less problems and better interactions with yourself and others. [/quote]

That’s what I am saying. I don’t expect you or anyone to do anything. It’s on me. Accepting that, though, is painful. Deeply, intensely painful.

Most people trying to help just aren’t because you aren’t seeing or listening to the efforts that are being made. And you’re reinforcing a message that the person struggling isn’t good enough and that no matter what it won’t be enough.

It’s OK to walk away. Sometimes it’s the most compassionate way to help.

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People who have expectations you aren’t meeting are simply stating them and helping you understand the expectations of the world. It is not less kind than walking away. It’s so you don’t keep butting up against them. It’s on you to take agency to understand them and avoid problems. It’s a morally wrong path to keep justifying bad behavior because you feel bad about yourself. It’s ok to be ok with your mistakes but in a way that you minimize that mistake in the future. Many people end up in jail from these justifications. Acceptance and growth. You need to accept your limitations and work towards them growing where you can but also minimizing problems. Stop worrying about whether other people are helping or hurting. Stop judging them. Take what they give you and use it to the best of your ability. You can’t control how others help you or talk to you. You can only control what you do. [/quote]

If they end up in jail, maybe that’s on them.

At some point, you are not helping you are trying to control another person with your expectations. Or you are enabling that person to expect support when they need to experience the consequences and pain in order to actually learn for themselves.

Im not sure what situations are in your life that are motivating you to respond to me. We ultimately agree, but I’m coming from someone who lives with this pain every day and has engaged in bad behavior, who is working every day to take responsibility.

I am saying that it wasn’t until people actually stopped trying to help so much that I actually could actually start taking responsibility to help myself. [/quote]

If you are still blaming people for pointing you in a better direction or assisting you, than this should be your next recovery step to get over why you blame them for simply helping you.[/quote]

You are mad projecting onto me right now. I’m sorry that the person in your life that you are trying to help isn’t responding as you think they should.

I do hope you are able to listen to them and respect where ever they are on their journey. And accept that they not ever meet your expectations. 
 
The help I was most offered was enabling rather than helpful. It was offered in love, and I am grateful for it. But I needed different help and I had to detach from many close relationships in order to finally see and understand that.

The reality is most help offered is more about the person offering it rather than the recipient. I didn’t get that for a long time, but now I do and have adjusted my boundaries and expectations. it’s a painful and lonely process, but it’s mine and I own it.  
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