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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]at 43 I married a 27 year old who by all accounts was totally over the moon to get married to me. After the marriage she decided to start posting on instagram/facebook/etc. and after that, boy did the crap start rolling in. There was a lot of negative talk from other women and it really got under her skin. So much so that she got very unhappy and started second guessing her decision. The feedback was consistently "she's a gold digger" "He must have money" "ick, he is so old" "you are so pretty, couldn't you do better?" etc. etc. etc. I'm sure she wasn't expecting that kind of feedback. She became very self conscious about us and she eventually left the marriage.

about a year after the divorce she called me up and said "I really was happy to marry you but there were people causing problems."

What I can say is that (1) women appear to be very influenced by peer pressure (2) other women can't just let other women be happy.

Consider the following:
1. Men in their 20 - 30 have a very high libido which typically far exceeds their wives. That cools off in the 40 and 50 so an age gap can help equal out libido differences.
2. Men in their 40 and 50 are a little more easy-going which can really help when dealing with kids.
3. In the 40's a man is more readily able to conclude that he can be satisfied in the relationship and commit.

In my experience I was "running and gunning" so hard in my 20 and 30 that I didn't have time to reflect or contemplate life.

So many women complain about wanting a man who is both successful and thoughtful yet they often group-think themselves out of those them.  [/quote]
Your wife was happy to get married to you, while you were in your 40s, other than comments by outsiders.

But, when she is 50, and you are 65, she might start second guessing the marriage.  When she is 60 and you 75, and you start to need someone to care for you, she would have doubly start rethinking being married to.

There's something about growing old together. But, having a large age gap is not growing old together. It's the younger person taking care of the older person (for the most part).

For, OP, she will go from taking care of her very young child to then taking care of her older husband.  That doesn't sound pleasant to me.  No doubt, she would've enjoyed being with you for maybe 10 years, but after that, when you start to really age (my DH is 59), she won't be as satisfied.[/quote]

Your comments above, and many of the others in this thread are very familiar because these are the type of unsolicited comments that my wife was getting from social media directed towards her after we were already married. I know because I saw them and we talked about them. It boggles my mind how people feel they have the right to inject their opinions into a married persons life in a way that causes FUC (fear, uncertainty, and doubt).

Early in the relationship I made a point to meet her parents and before marriage we all sat down in her parents kitchen and I listed all the negatives I could think of so that we could discuss them because I absolutely did not want to get married into a situation that family disagreed with and would undermine. In fact, the scenario of her being in her 50s and me in my 70s and what that would mean was one of specific scenarios we discussed. Her parents (mom in late 50's and dad in early 70) downplayed the issue and even told me that you don't know which one of you will actually need care first because, for them, her mother got cancer and her father was the one taking care of everything.

The thing that is striking to me is that there is always a price or consequence for all relationships. There is no perfect scenario and yet that appears to that everyone wants to promote the "you can do better - swipe left narrative."

In my wife's case, after a few years of online feedback she decided that she could do better (she said as much when she left). She did date several younger men some ostensibly had more money and she had a baby and they guy packed up and moved out of state. She lived with her parents for a few years and is on welfare now. She "still gets lots of attention when she is out" but that does not equal men wanting to marry her. Her mother finally got tired of the situation when she left the baby with the her to go on a weekend trip with a younger guy and her mother told he to move out. She couldn't move in with the guy because he was living at home with his parents.

For those of you who are going to say water seeks its own level, that's not exactly actuate because once she adopted the ideas being sent towards her she put herself on this trajectory. When I met her she enjoyed crafts and sewing. I watched her spend days sewing outfits and admired her for the effort it took.

The sad thing is that everyone (her, me, parents, children, etc.) could have had a nice life. Yes, I'm older but I reached a point where I've got flexibility in my career to set my schedule. That means I'm available for kid pickups and drop-offs, etc. It also means we are able to help with her parents (and mine) as they get older. There was a plan in place and all we had to do was stay the course.

So I ask, what is satisfaction in a marriage or life? is it chasing an unrealistic ideal or marriage to a somewhat older man that takes care of you well for 30 years and then you take care of him in his last 10?

[/quote]

In your case, your wife is a bum, so marrying and staying with you made sense.

We are urging OP not to be a bum because this man does not have enough to take care of her, her kid and his.

OP has time to change course and be independent. If she can do that, it will be a disadvantage ymto marry a divorced older man with that many kids.[/quote]

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