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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've seen this, too. I saw a three year old bite her little sister, hard, and get nothing more than a casual "we don't bite." I was shocked.

This new "time outs are cruel" school of thought is a nightmare. Yes, sometimes there are natural consequences that can work, and that's great, but Jesus, if you take a chunk out of your sisters arm, you can go sit by yourself for a hot minute. [/quote]

Time outs are cruel because they leave kids alone at the point where they probably most need connection. Removing the child from the situation and staying with your child as you explain what they need to do better is ideal. And you need to balance that with giving your child positive attention when they are behaving well so they don't misbehave in order to get attention. Isolation should only be a punishment if you really cannot be with your kid at that moment. [/quote]

PP here. Yeah, you're the problem. Sorry, I think this is crazy. You're teaching your kid that if they want some quiet time with mom they should bite someone. You don't give positive attention/connection when a kid just did something BAD. There's no amount of other positive attention when they are behaving well that will weaken that crappy message you're sending.

And to call time outs "cruel" is just absolutely absurd. They don't need "connection" in that moment, they need to LEARN that biting is UNACCEPTABLE. [/quote]

I agree. But I will add that time-outs don’t work for all kids. My kid would have to be physically restrained and it just worked him up more. So when we did PCIT-type therapy I said time-outs don’t work, and we came up with a different plan (which worked).

That said, I think it’s possible that if we did time outs from a younger age it may have worked better. But my kid is different in that he was a really calm baby/toddler and didn’t need that much discipline until preschool. [/quote]

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