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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would think they aren't punishing in front of others because they think it will cause a more disruptive meltdown and that would make others uncomfortable. [/quote]

Yeah, my normally well-behaved kid had a meltdown the other day at a coffee shop patio. I had warned him not to do something, he did it, and the (previously communicated) consequence was that we had to leave. I had to strap him into the stroller and walk out while he was kicking and screaming. I got some dirty looks from people and it was frustrating.[/quote]

I'm sorry you got dirty looks. My 3 year old started screaming in the pizza restaurant and I immediately took him out. People told me what a great mom I was. That's what they should have said to you. Discipline is hard on parents too, but immediately removing kids is always the best. [/quote]

Kids have tantrums, I would not discipline a kid having a tantrum  their nervous system is in overdrive, discipline is pointless during a tantrum, they need to be comforted. I have a problem with kids who have developed zero emotional regulation due to lax parenting. The 6 year old that punches, bites, screams, cusses out the majority of the time they don’t get what they want. There are a lot of little Napoleons out there.[/quote]

My high needs baby turned into a high needs 7 year old. We are trying so fing hard to help. Can the peanut gallery. Really. It makes it so much harder to stay calm when kids with regulation issues are being judged by adults that know better. I’m already focusing on my child but I can feel your glares and accusations as I try to safely extricate us from a cafe. Our waitstaff is running the card, take a breath, we’ll be out if there soon and we’ll all be calm and breathing better within 10 mins.

Ours takes 20+ mins to wind down once revved. Getting to a safer less public space isn’t a finger snap. Sometimes we have to jump through a few hoops. Like paying our bill or going to the restroom. None of these things are fun or easy. If it looks like I’m not doing enough it’s because you aren’t the one dealing with it. We minimize visits to busy places and time means carefully but sometimes things happen. [/quote]

Why does it take 10 minutes to leave? You don’t need to leave permanently. Leave your Dh at the table and you take the kid to the sidewalk.

My kids know when I say “last chance or we’re leaving now” that I mean it. Because my words mean something. One of my kids is special needs too. It’s not an excuse. It just means you as a parent have a harder job. [/quote]

By seven if your kid struggles out in public you don’t set them up to fail and go to those places.  If there are two adults, one leaves with the child and the other pays.  Kids often go through spurts where they act up.  We stopped eating out for a year and worked with ours. Lots of kids have sn.  It’s harder but that’s life. [/quote]

+2. I have a high needs 10 year old. We are rarely in public places because of course those places stress him out? Why are these parents torturing their kids this way.[/quote]

Genuinely curious—how do you work on these behaviors if you avoid things like public places?[/quote]

This was my nephew. My SIL was amazing. She put a lot of structure and routine around his day, lots of physical activity, then involvement in sports, then BoyScouts. With age and structure he started getting better emotional control. It took years and so much work, but now at 15 he is doing great. So no, you don’t need to go to restaurants and museums to teach them self regulations.[/quote]

But you don’t hide a kid away either just because they might have a meltdown. What if you’re travelling and have to eat out? Want to have some normal fun like a baseball game or a movie? Yes you do have Plan Bs but “never let the kid be in public” is a frankly abusive and non-therepeutic way to live. [/quote]

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