Reply to Charging a parent for care when one sibling does nothing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP with an update. I went to my doctor for a yearly physical and we talked about stress. He said he has seen a lot of middle age women get burned out caring for parents. It’s starts out thinking it will be temporary and the next thing you know it’s five years later. You realize too late you are burned out and have missed out on spending a substantial amount of time with your spouse and kids. He said reconsider it.

Then a cousin called and told me my mom had complained to my uncle (her brother) that I treat her like a child and give her meds like she is incapable (which she is).

So I realized it wasn’t worth it getting paid or not. I went the next day and set up medication management and am now at the beach with my kids and husband. It’s been great not dealing with anything for a week. [/quote]

OP thank you for the update and I am so glad to read that you are at the beach enjoying some R&R. Welcome to the club. "No good deed goes unpunished" took on a whole new meaning for me. I normally don't like when people tell others bad things said about them, but your cousin was right to do so and that was truly a gift. You needed to learn that she doesn't appreciate it. I found myself just completely exasperated and burned out when after years of helping with time I did not have my mother not only didn't appreciate it, but she complained to others and told me I was selfish when I started setting tiny boundaries. Your doctor is so wise. What he describes is exactly what happened to me and some of my friends. My kids really suffered and I missed some issues that could have/should have been caught much earlier with them. I was so filled with fury when i kept helping mom knowing she appreciated none of it and now that I have stepped back and there are professionals dealing with her I am no longer filled with rage and my health has improved. It took a friend of mine having 2 LIFE threatening medical emergencies before she put her mom in an assisted living with a memory care and moved away. She had actually moved her job to be near her mom and be there for her only to find out all those years mom complained about her to every relative and gradually began tantrumming at her.

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