Reply to I don’t want to travel OR host for the holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I will say is be careful of favoring one set of parents over the other, particularly when the issues are minor and not about abuse. Your kids are watching you and you're teaching them how to value extended family - which you will someday be. [/quote]

Sigh. You post this every time there is a discussion about extended family. So useless and dumb. [/quote]

I actually don't, so there is at least one other person on DCUM who is mindful of the model they provide for their children. Everything we do conveys a message to our kids - how we structure our family, how we deal with stress, how we treat our spouses/partners, how we navigate conflict, how we spend our money - everything is a model about our values, etc. Kids 1000% are more likely to do as you do, than do as you say, and that's because your actions teach them more than your words. If that's a useless and dumb consideration to you, godspeed, or maybe go to therapy and learn how your family of origin influenced who you are and your world view. It can be quite enlightening.

[b]Modeling self-care is important too so I'm not suggesting anyone martyr themselves, [/b]but maybe there's a middle ground were one can carve out time for self-care AND be some sort of a host to grandparents over the holidays.

[/quote]

I’m the poster who says she remembers how exhausted her mother was at every holiday. I just want you to know that is a bad memory for me. I desperately wish my mother had said “no” to her in-laws more.

There is a reason that on an airplane you are told to put your own mask on first— you cannot do for others without taking care of yourself **first**.

So self care, even at the holidays, should not take second/third/afterthought place. It should be the primary consideration. What can I, the individual, reasonably manage. After that you prioritize your children’s needs if they’re young, then your spouses needs, and then your extended families desires.

Which means, you sometimes say no to hosting your in laws *because* you are doing the best job of modeling for your children. [/quote]

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