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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

This is not my problem, right? SIL is very chuffed with my DH that [b]we won't take her kids for an entire night[/b]. We don't have a strong relationship with them. DH hasn't talked to her in several weeks, we only really see them at holidays and birthdays. [/quote]

So this was buried at the very end of your post, OP. I read this as, you and DH have already TOLD your SIL you won't take the kids. Is that a correct read? If so, why the concern on your part now? If your DH has already told her clearly that you and he are saying no, there's not a question to answer here other than "This is not my problem, right?" to which my answer is, nope, it's not.

You're going to get a big contingent of "But [i]familyyyy[/i]! Cousins! Cousins should be OhSoClose! Take them!" posts here. I don't fall into that camp. You don't need to twist yourself into knots waffling over whether this is or was a problem. Your DH (not you! DH) says, "Sorry, that doesn't work for us" and then sticks to it without explaining. Over-explaining is NOT your friend. If you're not comfortable because you barely know the kids, that is perfectly legit -- and all the "Oh but cousins should be besties!" posts in the world shouldn't change that. Maybe after all this, you can offer to do more with them and their kids all together, and get to know the kids--you say you'd like to. But you are not at all obliged here. DH handles all this, though, not you. I'd just say "That doesn't work for us" and if asked why, I'd only add, "Here's a number for a sitter we use, and she might know other overnight sitters, or maybe BIL's mom is available." and then change the topic. [/quote]

Op here. You read that correctly. DH has told her no, she’s displeased with him.[/quote]

So then what exactly brings you here to post? What are you looking for? [/quote]

I probably should have clarified that.

Initially I thought people may agree with me that it's not my obligation.

We were asked out of the blue to watch her kids. We were both surprised, because we have never watched her kids by ourselves and don't have that kind of childcare sharing relationship.

[b]I am wondering where the "but they're family" argument comes in here[/b] - especially when there isn't a pre-existing relationship and it's not for lack of trying. But now it appears there is a strong expectation that I should take these kids in for the night. [b]I am wondering why there is such a strong expectation placed on women to maintain social bonds. Especially when in the past i have tried to develop a relationship with my SIL and my attempts/texts went unanswered. 
[/b] I do not expect my DH to maintain a relationship with my sister. So why is there an unreciprocated expectation that I should somehow maintain a relationship with my SIL and her kids? Or put on a big sleepover for her and her kids? Why are men/uncles not given the same expectation to put on a FUN kids sleepover?

Alot of people are right, I don't like her. I think she and BIL are trashy as hell with tolerance of his drinking. My own husband is in AA, so it's not like I haven't been there/done that with an alcoholic spouse. There are other people who can watch them for the night, my DH and I are not the sole options here.

I'm a social worker (yes, incoming eye rolls, and I'm waiting for people to tell me I shouldn't be a social worker because I don't have endless capacity for compassion and empathy). I do not like the idea of sleepovers for multiple reasons. I'm not planning on letting my own kid have sleepovers for a very long time.

I am wondering why despite all of that discomfort, people feel I should roll over and take one for the team.[/quote]

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