Reply to Anyone else realize how crappy their own mother was once you became a mother yourself?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes. Yes I did.

One of the biggest mistakes my parents made, that I really started to understand when I became a parent, was how sarcastic and dismissive they were, and how damaging that is for kids. I have so many vivid memories of my parents rolling their eyes at me, laughing at me, or just straight up denying things I said or felt. From a young age, too -- I remember incidents like this from when I was just 4 or 5 years old.

I think partly they were just emotionally immature people and used sarcasm as a defense mechanism. But wow is it bad for kids. It's something my DH and I talk about and try to be really self-aware about. Little kids, in particular, can be so hurt by sarcasm. It's okay to be sarcastic about other things (like I'll roll my eyes and say something like "oh yes, this traffic is delightful") but I try to not ever respond to my kids' with sarcasm when they say how they feel, what they want, report something is bothering them or is hard, etc. It's a really bad habit.

But it wasn't until I actually had kids and then recalled how my parents used to interact with me that it really sank in that their approach was bad. It was sad at first to realize that this aspect of my childhood was damaging, but I think it's also been healing to realize that the sarcastic, critical voice in the back of my head has an external source. It's helped me learn to stop listening to it, and definitely stop giving voice to it.[/quote]

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