Reply to “Your baby isn’t invited.”

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Reply to "“Your baby isn’t invited.”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

[b]Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc.,[/b] and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if [b]kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate.[/b] And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.[/quote]

Not everyone has access to a space large enough to hold all of these people.

Where would the dads even be watching all these kids apart from the women?

Maybe this scenario works for someone that has a mansion on acreage, but people all over the US live in small homes with tiny yards, or even apartment.   Some might rent a hall or restaurant space if there will be a lot of guests but those usually don't offer a separate space for kids to run around screaming as the dads corral them.[/quote]

[b]Unless you live in NYC or a handful of other places: yes you do.[/b] My shower was at a friend's row house that had a finished basement. The kids attending hung out down there for most of the party with various adults minding them at times, I mostly camped out in the living room to visit with people, but other people spent time in the kitchen or out on the patio. It was chill and relaxing and occurred in a 2000 sq ft row house they bought for 550k like 10 years ago and then renovated. No "mansion or acreage" necessary.

I mean, do what you want, but shower with larger groups, including kids, are not like some impossible feat. They are normal for many of us and no more difficult than throwing a cocktail party in an apartment or a wedding in an art gallery.[/quote]

You really need to get out more if you really think that there is only a "handful of places"  where people do not have enough room to throw a massive party in their home.

Many places in the US don't have basements.  Many people don't have 2000 sqf homes.
You are obviously completely ignorant of the world beyond your bubble.[/quote]

No one is talking about a "massive party." Just bigger than a 8-10 person baby shower.

To be honest, I've been to baby showers that involved only adult women, no kids or men, and there were easily 30 people there. Some people have very expansive showers with extended family, friends, coworkers, even neighbors.

The point is not that everyone has a 2000 sq ft home, it's that most people have access to a home big enough to have a 20-30 person gathering, whether a friend's home, parent's home, community space, etc. I've been to numerous baby showers held in the "commons" spaces that many apartment complexes or townhome communities have. Also been to baby showers at parks, community rec centers, and other places where it is free or very inexpensive to reserve a space large enough for 30 or 40 people, and often that might have built in spaces for kids, like nearby play grounds or even indoor play areas.

I've also been to small, intimate baby showers in someone's living room with just a handful of women.

It's all fine. The point is that you don't need "a mansion or acreage" to have a large community baby shower that could accommodate kids. If someone didn't want to host kids at a shower, that's totally fine. But it's not something only available to wealthy people or something. It's actually incredibly common. I've never encountered the sentiment on this thread that having kids present is somehow forbidden or very weird. I think overall, the opposite is probably true -- the idea of baby showers as small gatherings just of a woman and her closest friends is really not common.[/quote]

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