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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]-Your 11 year old needs to learn to advocate for herself
-You and your dh can step in if you see that the niece is driving her crazy
-You can talk to your SIL
-You can put a sleeping bag in your room for her

[b]I think avoiding awkward situations actually increases anxiety in the long run. Give her tools to deal with it and she will see that's it's not as bad as she pictured in her mind.[/b] [/quote]
This, exactly.  I don't think you're doing her any favors.  It sounds like it's "anxiety" when it's something she doesn't want to do.  Like she's got anxiety about sharing a room.  [/quote]

Yes. When you rearrange plans and make special trip accommodations you are signaling that she did in fact have something to be anxious about. It validates the anxiety. Yes you need to be sensitive but you can’t rearrange everything in a situation like this that is already safe and normal.[/quote]
+100
[/quote]

But there is something to be anxious about! The cousins don't get along. Why are we saying there's nothing to be anxious about?[/quote]

No, sharing a room with a rambunctious cousin is not a prospect that should impact her quality of life and cause her undue anxiety. It is fine to not like the arrangement but no kid should be worrying about it to this extent. Part of anxiety therapy is naming what you are afraid of and realizing it is not so bad. She doesn’t like the cousin - so what? What will actually happen? She will feel annoyed?? She will be tired? All of these are manageable and not that bad. So this is a chance for the kid to learn to cope with her anxiety in a very safe situation.[/quote]

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