Reply to Why isn’t it socially acceptable to say that you regret having kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because as dependents they rely 100% on their parents, and deserve loving parents. They didn’t ask to be born. You don’t choose to have kids and then regret them. Sorry. They deserve betterment than that. [/quote]

+1. [/quote]

This 100%.  Save your whining for your therapist and do your job as a parent.  Your kids didn't ask for this.  YOU made the decision to have them.[/quote]

Of course we made a decision and now regret it AND if course I will properly raise my child but [b]parents are allowed to express regret just like any decision in life![/b] [/quote]

Sure we’re all “allowed” to say anything we want short of fire in a theater, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for our words such as harming those children that you’re “properly raising” or being thought less of by them [b]or other people who hear you.[/b][/quote]

What does the bolded mean? That if you confide in somebody who knows your kids that you regret having kids, that person will think less of your kids? I don't understand this.

I also don't understand why commenters continually assume that the person that a parent would say this to is the child. If somebody says they are sharing regret about marrying their partner because they are a bad coparent, do you assume that the conversation is between the parent and the child? What about confiding in somebody about an affair or something else very personal? I don't think anybody is saying that it should be [i]totally fine for a parent to tell their own child that they regret becoming a parent, or oversharing very personal information. [/quote]

If you tell someone who isn’t your therapist that you regret having children, they will very likely think less of [i]you[/i].  Because they will think you are a bad parent who doesn’t appreciate what you have. If you phrase it as others have suggested— that you regret you don’t enjoy parenting, etc. that might be different.

As for “telling” your kids. Kids are not stupid. Kids overhear, badly intentioned— heck even well intentioned!!— adults may repeat it to them, and kids intuit. Letting a kid grow up knowing they were regretted is the next worst thing to abuse I can think of.[/quote]

Ah I understand. Well I don't regret having kids, for what it's worth, so I am not looking for advice. But I absolutely would not look down on a friend who confided in me like this. In fact I would definitely sympathize. I don't think real friends would hear that and based on that alone look down on you and think you're a bad parent. I might think you're a "bad parent" if you spank your kids (even occasionally), yell at them, don't empathize with them, etc. But not if you admit you regret having kids.

And is a kid overhearing "I love my kid dearly but in retrospect, I shouldn't have had kids" worse than "I am saddened by how much I dislike parenting" or 'I resent the sacrifices I made to have kids?" Kids shouldn't hear any of this stuff, and yet I don't think these are feelings that parents should have to shove down. [/quote]

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