Reply to How to handle: Terminally ill neighbor, helping with kid who is crossing several lines

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Weird responses here.

1) Mom needs to know, but as several PPs said, this family is going through hell right now and almost indefinitely. Parenting can't be their top priority - that's unfortunate but it's reality. So communicating what happened and what you expect needs to be done with that in mind. Yes, they and their daughter still deserve grace and space.

2) I don't know why the OP and PPs are freaking about the carpool - whomever drives, the girls apparently are on a team together, so someone needs to think through how that is going to work. If you have a good, wise coach (I hope) talk to them and see how they might handle this. Otherwise consider pulling your kid from the team. There's always another team or sport or activity, esp at 11yo.

3) Your daughter should block the other girl on texts as well as all social media. You should be monitoring every single account and post. (Why the hell 11yos have unmonitored phones and social media is a question for the OP for another day.) I'd also reach out to the school counselor - even in my kids' giant public MS, the counselors were a total godsend in helping when kids behaved badly online. They deal with this all the time.

Good luck OP. You can protect your daughter while avoiding steps that compound another family's unimaginable tragedy.[/quote]
Did you actually suggest that OPs kid needs to quit her sport because SOMEONE ELSE called her fat and a slut?! Are you effing for real? I’m sorry this girl’s dad is terminally ill, but that will not give her license throughout her life to be a horrible human being who feels better about herself by saying hurtful things to people. [/quote]

PP here - yes, I'm "effing for real." My point is simply that all this discussion about carpools is less important than the team itself. And I would not keep my kid on a team with another kid who was bullying them unless I felt confident that the coach would handle the situation appropriately.[/quote]

NP but you should really think about that approach, and what message you’d be sending your kid. That seems like really subpar life preparation / a real disservice you’d be doing your child.

(To be clear, I’m not saying force the child to stay on the team if they’re begging to quit. But to suggest it?! That feels very disempowering [/quote]
+1. It is a terrible message to send your kid that when they have done nothing wrong and have been the target of bullying they are the one that needs to quit their activity. A team practice is also a different setting than being stuck together one on one in a car. Presumably OPs kid has friends on the team and the bully is not acting out toward her in practice. [/quote]

DP.  My DC was the target of a bully in class (actually that kid's parents were going through a really bad divorce which explained but didn't excuse some of the terrible behavior) and we considered asking to switch classes - in hindsight we should have done so.  Changing teams or quitting isn't a terrible message, it's a good way for a kid to deal with a bad situation.  If OP's DD is really into the sport, it might not be the best course of action, but if it's just an activity to her, then that would be a good step to consider.  [/quote]

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