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[quote=Anonymous]Op, I was in similar circumstances a couple of years ago. I work FT, had 3 kids in under 4 years, DH in big law.

The biggest difference is that when we started having kids, DH was at the government making $160K. So when he went back to private practice, our income jumped. So we were used to a tight budget - daycare is super expensive. When he went over it was as counsel, it was at $325k.

DH made equity partner a few years ago and his income has steadily increased. I still work, but now only 30 hrs per week. My job is medium-demanding and I hold our insurance, get a pension, and make about $200K.

I do all the stuff with our kids. It’s hard, although now that they are getting older (oldest is 10), and DH can sometimes work from home, so he can handle the occasional sick day. My kids all have something they have had to do therapy for.

Honestly, I did almost all the stuff with the kids before DH went back to big law. Granted, they were younger, but it wasn’t like he was waking up to unload the dishwasher while I breast fed. The only real new chores I have taken over since he switched back is that I also do all the finances now.

So my DH’s income actually means he is contributing in a way that is super helpful. Not having financial stress is huge. We have weekly cleaners and yard people.

Let me be direct about your situation:

What job do you think your DH could get that would pay your financial obligations (loans, mortgage, childcare) that is 9-5? At least with his current career path, there is the ability ( financially) in a few years for you to SAH.

Are you working more hours (all in - work+kids+house) than your DH? At least at my house, it’s about the same, although I am “on” more on weekends, but he is up late working more on weekdays. If you are both working long hours, are you just grumpy you have to work so hard? Having three kids *is* hard work - that’s a choice you made and have to live with.

If your DH is non-equity, he needs to be working hard to make equity — non-equity (and even equity) is not a secure position if your billable hours are low.

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