Reply to Too many rules postpartum?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I say this gently. You are fixated on this because you are nervous about your own adjustment to parenthood. You should have boundaries and general guidelines for the baby’s safety - masking or tests or vaccines for example. I think it’s good to keep your space to yourselves since it’s small, tight quarters. I also think if you come on to strong with all these “rules” you will create more tension and issues than if you play it by ear.

Pre-baby DH needs to talk to his family and be explicit and firm about what you jointly decide. “Mom and Dad, we prefer not to have any visitors in the hospital. When we get home from the hospital, we will accept visitors once we’ve been home for 2 nights. Due to the size and layout of our home, we will not host any overnight guests. You can stay somewhere nearby and stop by during the day.”

After baby, you and your husband need signals. Those signals are for “give me my baby back now” and “get these people out of my house, I’m exhausted”. Your husband needs to have pre-planned phrases and things to say to his parents or family like “We are exhausted, I think it’s time to call it a day. We’ll see you tomorrow.” Or “Mom please come help me in the kitchen” or “Dad, please come with me to pick up takeout”.

Finally, please let me assure you that my mom told anyone and everyone for months “I will hold the baby so she can shower / eat / etc”. And I FREAKED out because all I wanted to do was hold my baby. Before I delivered I broke down in tears after she made the same dumb comment for the 99th time and said “I am YOUR baby. If you are coming in the hazy, early days, I need you to take care of ME so I can take care of MY baby.” She got it. She did not hog the baby. After a few weeks, I was even ready to let other people hold the baby too!

Finally, if you are breastfeeding and the family is the way you describe, make sure your husband is ready to shoot down immediately any comments how if you used bottles other people could “help you” or how you are being selfish since no one else gets to feed the baby. 
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OP - your baby, your house, your rules.  Don't spout off the rules and bark at them, take it as it comes.  I get it, you will be exhausted, and really would rather not have visitors.  Your ILs seem to be doing this out of their idea of love.  My MIL was nasty and rude ("I'm here to see the baby, not you!!" and other gems) and DH and I never forgot her abusive, selfish ways. Do what YOU have to do to make this a pleasant time for YOU. Your ILs already had their time.  Of course, my MIL wouldn't babysit either - "I already raised my kids!!" So, we didn't bother asking her. We paid someone, and it was much more peaceful - and helpful! What you want is what matters. Be sure to choose your battles, and maintain your space as your space.

The hotel for them is a must, and make sure your DH is on the same page - it will make everything MUCH easier. [/quote]

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