Reply to I got an email telling me my daughter is a mean girl.

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "I got an email telling me my daughter is a mean girl. "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]If I got this email about my daughter, I would have a conversation with her about the following:

1. Gossip is not okay. Gossip is defined as saying negative (and sometimes untrue or unverified) things about another person when they aren't around. If you have negative opinions of someone, keep them to yourself or just share them with family or someone else well outside that social circle. Do not share negative opinions of people with mutual classmates, because the odds that this information will get back to them are pretty much always 100%. And discussing untrue or unverified rumors about someone is never okay. Ever. If you hear something concerning about a peer, you could talk to them directly about it or you could talk to a trusted adult. But if you discuss it as though it's true with other peers, you are in the wrong and could really hurt someone this way.

2. You don't have to be nice. You don't have to be everyone's friend. But if you are outwardly mean to people, if you go out of your way to hurt them, you have no idea how they might react. Don't assume people will just take it. Do not make fun of peers. Do not openly criticize other people's appearance, clothing, intelligence, families, or financial situation to their faces or to their peers (again, they will find out what you said). This is a hurtful, mean thing to do and refraining from it is not about being "nice" or being everyone's friend. It's literally just baseline kindness that you owe to everyone.

3. Don't get into a competition with others for attention or praise. This is a mark of insecurity and if you find yourself trying to best others in order to get more attention or praise, it is time to look within yourself and ask why you need that. A truly confident person doesn't need to be the center of attention, whether that attention is coming from a parent, a teacher, or a peer. A truly confident person will be happy for others when they are successful or get good feedback or validation. If seeing that happen for others make you feel like you need to disrupt the situation and pull attention towards yourself, or "top" them in order to steal their praise, then you have a problem.

This is what it is to be a mean girl. It's not about being popular or getting targeted because you're pretty. It's about doing hurtful things that cause social suffering and consequences. We still don't have good mechanisms for holding kids (or adults) responsible for this kind of behavior, but as someone who has experienced the isolation and harm of being gossiped about, told I was ugly or not good enough by peers, and pushed the side whenever I succeeded by someone who did not feel I deserved that success, I wish that more people would talk to their kids about these behaviors instead of turning a blind eye or trying to defend it as normal or acceptable. It's not.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics