Reply to When a friend always brings down the mood with their trauma, would this be okay?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in this friend's situation. My solution was to stop talking to people. Trauma is isolating. People don't understand, and though they love to think of themselves as lovely and caring, they're really just great big hypocrites.

Such a shame about your mood having been brought down, though, right?[/quote]

I’m doing this now.

Sorry my annoying life is a bummer, man. I didn’t mean to lose everything. But I did. Whomp whomp. I’ve learned that it’s easier to avoid people than risk being a “bummer” at a party. Traumas effects are so far flung. [/quote]

But why would you go to a party to be a bummer, in the first place? You already know parties aren't the place to bring everyone down. Tell your good friend you need to talk, and invite them to coffee or lunch. Don't show up to a party, where people are expecting to have a nice time, and dominate the conversations with your troubles.
[/quote]

Well; I wouldn’t go to a party TO BE a bummer- but it’s not like the death of a child doesn’t still exist at the party. Or it’s not like my house didn’t burn down, while I’m at the party. Or, I still have terminal cancer, at the party. 
[/quote]

I think that if someone has made it known to you that they don't want to bring you to parties because you're a bummer, that you're making the trauma the central focus of "you at the party."

For example, Im thinking about a friend whose husband died suddenly. Of course, people asked her how she's holding up, and of course she could talk about it. I never felt like that was bringing down the whole mood of the party. But if at every gathering she brought it up multiple times, cried and lamented about her life and/or tried to change every subject back to her... well, it would be time toet her know that parties are not appropriate for that. [/quote]

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