Reply to if you or your spouse cheated- how did you tell the kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The women telling their kids about infidelity are the same ones on DCUM spewing hate at all cheaters. They will not move on so no one can move one. Get some therapy before your bitterness distorts your kids. Being angry 5-10 years later shows you inability to process and heal. Is that what you want for your kids?  Because if you weren’t unhinged then you’d never feel the need to tell your kids. [/quote]

I’m the PP at 9:34.  I stopped being angry about the infidelity over 18 years ago.  I realized that while being the recipient of anger would prompt most of us to self-examine and change behavior, my then DH simply didn’t have the capacity to self-examine or understand other’s feelings. My anger was completely ineffective and when I realized that - it was a lightbulb moment for me, and I instantly lost any anger toward then DH.

My lack of anger has actually caused problems between me and the kids.  DH still does ridiculous stuff - to me and to them.  My attitude is mostly “meh” because I understand that’s who he has always been and he will never change and it has nothing to do with my behavior or actions or worth. Meanwhile the kids are busy figuring self-examining to see what they did wrong to cause his painful behavior and getting angry at him for not making him stop.  They would see all this in a different light if they had access to the truth about him and why we broke up.

BTW, being able to not be angry, to heal, and to forgive is NOT the same as continuing to have a relationship with the perpetrator of abuse, validating his perspective of continuing to allow him access to my life.

I have basically grey-rocked him for the last four years - and it has made my life and the kids’ lives SO much more peaceful.  [/quote]

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