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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who is doing the non-monetary labor of caring for the elderly relatives?

I don’t feel I have enough info to take OPs side or not. [/quote]

not the rich brothers! but really this isn’t about proving who did more or less for Grandma. It’s about the fixation on what seems to me to be negligible amounts, rounding errors, to them. which in this case has resulted in them demanding MY money.  I could make a case adding up all the hours I spent, the money I gave, to show why I deserve the money that was legally left to me. But that seems incredibly absurd. [/quote]

I'm the wealthy one in my family and your attitude is exactly what annoys me about my family members. They like to count my money and decide how it should be best spent, and since they have determined that the amount of money I need to spend for the family good is basically nothing to me, then I should be happy to spend it without a single thought of repayment! It's not up to you to decide how much they can easily part with, and it's not for you to decide what they should be spending their money on. I agree with the PP - they are saying that they are willing to spend their money to help out family members, and they know that they will possibly not get repaid out of the small estate. But what they don't want is for family to decide that their wealthy family members should be writing blank checks, and then when it's time to distribute the estate, the poor relations who paid nothing should get a windfall. It's more about fairness than the money itself. People are always happy to spend your money for you and cry foul when you put up any boundaries, but somehow still feel entitled to whatever windfall they can get their grasping hands on. They're financially supporting your relatives. Maybe you should just be grateful that the burden isn't falling on you, instead of whining that you won't get more inheritance. [/quote]

Bingo

[/quote]

We help my parents with over $600k to gain entry to a CcRC—they wouldn’t qualify otherwise.  
Should there be anything left after estate pays bills, we are first in line to get it back. 
Hint: if they live at least another 3-4 years there won’t be enough left to even pay us back.  We don’t care—it’s what you do to keep parents well taken care of when you are 2k+ miles from them anc they won’t move close to us.  
But siblings are not happy they won’t get anything basically.  
Sure the $$ is not essential for us but we are entitled to get it back, and siblings do not help with any care (even if we offer to pay for all of their travels and expenses while doing it).  Those that help take care of elderly while alive are entitled to compensation from the estate before it’s split evenly (or really however the deceased wish it’s split via their wills ) [/quote]

Again you made a huge financial contribution. It’s fair for you to get it back. The head-scratching thing here is that it is NOT about big money - not the contributions or the estates. [/quote]

Amount of money should not make any difference. If it is fair to reimburse $100,000 or $600,000 from the estate to the siblilng who contributed, then it should be fair to reimburse $100 to the same contributing sibling, regardless of their financial status. [/quote]

Ok that’s where I have to part ways. If you earn 7 figures but are pressuring a poor sib about $100, there is something wrong with you. At a minimum it suggests the decedent didn’t actually want the estate distributed equally. [/quote]

Why is it wrong to want your own money back? And in which world $250,000 income is "poor"?[/quote]

I’m not the poor one. That’s a different one. [/quote]

I see. You just like to be in everyone’s business![/quote]

Arguably the person trying to take another person’s inheritance is the one in everyone’s business… [/quote]

Having the estate repay a debt is normal. I am sorry this is hard for you to understand. [/quote]

I’m sorry you cannot read. There is no debt to this estate. We all paid what we could. [/quote]

You make over $200k and paid nothing. You all did not pay what you could. You really should seek help. You are hyper focused on this and you’re in the wrong. If it’s such a paltry sum, why the obsession? Oh, and it doesn’t matter it is $300k or a $100 dinner. They should be repaid. The fact that they have more than you is not the determining factor that they are wrong. Maybe talk to someone to find a way to move on. [/quote]

+1 OP is the greedy one here. OP's brothers each contributed more to the relative's care than OP. OP doesn't want them to be paid back before splitting what's left. OP just wants an even split, which would essentially give her some of her bothers' money.

OP reminds me of a former friend. She would gladly accept people buying her rounds of drinks when we went out in groups, but she wouldn't ever buy rounds herself. Her excuse was that "it was just drinks" so it was no big deal when people bought them for her, but she didn't earn enough money to pay for drinks. She called us petty for even pointing it out because OMG it's just drinks! Same as OP's excuse that her brothers are petty for wanting their "small" sum of money back, but it's apparently not small enough for OP to stop being petty and just give it back.

People are petty if they don't give OP their money, but OP isn't petty for not just giving it back. That's the hallmark of a greedy cheapskate.[/quote]

Funny because I thought DCUM was pretty universally against people complaining about the terms of a will. (Also I did contribute.)

And yes, I will go to my grave thinking that it is petty and sad to create familial strive over an amount of money they likely earn before 10am most days. [/quote]

I do not believe this was paid by the siblings without expecting a repayment. But OP fails to state the amount they lent, the amount they want back, what she spent (instead says, “ My fair share was what I could afford, which seems fair to me? Did they want me to stop funding my retirement and repaying my student loans?”), what the will says and what the decedent’s intent was, etc. writing things like it’s a paltry amount - less than they spend at the club or what they earn by 10:00 am. There is absolutely nothing about what she’s written that makes me think the brothers are not owed the money - her other language is pretty clear that she’s blinded to how she’s robbed (not) and they are greedy (also not).

So while she repeatedly says she can’t believe how focused the siblings are on money, she needs to take a good look inward. [/quote]

Why would they be owed, and not me? I don’t know how much they paid anyway. And I didn’t keep records of the hours I spent caretaking. Because it was always obvious the estate would be tiny or nonexistent, and I’m not greedy. My mind was on giving support. If they wanted to make their contributions a loan against the estate they could have pressed aging relative about it. But they didn’t, probably because they didn’t want to look like utter jerks to her.

As for my thoughts about their money - I never thought about it until they started pulling this nonsense about other people’s
money. [/quote]

You don’t get money for voluntary caretaking.

If your mind was always on caretaking, the estate is tiny, and you’re donating anything you get, your post, comments and anger make no sense. You want your share and feel entitled to it and do not want them to be reimbursed. I’d love to hear the other side of the story. [/quote]

then they don’t get money for voluntary gifts. there is no “reimbursement.” nobody ever agreed to that. we all gave gifts (of time and money) and now they unilaterally declare they deserve to be repaid, the relative’s will nonwithstanding.

you know who wants to have it both ways? my brothers. to be seen as the generous, powerful men while relative is alive; then grasp every penny after; and not be perceived as greedy. [/quote]

Your brothers were generous to your relative; they just never intended their money to go to you and your other sibling.[/quote]

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