Reply to What are the most common ways women waste their 20s?

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[quote=Anonymous]I did not waste my 20s. I had a good time, made great friends and memories, went to grad school, started my career, saved some money (and spent some money). I meet my DH when I was 29 and that's worked out well for me.

If I wasted any time, it was between 30 and 35. And it wasn't on my love life, it was on

(1) friendships with people who were bad friends or users, who I was too forgiving of and too willing to put up with their BS because I thought they were longterm friends. They were flaky and self-absorbed. A few of them were terrible gossips and I wound up genuinely hurt when I found this out (it should have been obvious, I was naive). But the main issue is just that I thought these people were real friends and they were more like fun acquaintances. I didn't need to cut them out of my life, I just needed to approach these friendships with fewer expectations and a lot less trust/loyalty. I think it's because I never really had a best friend or cohesive friend group and at the time I was going to weddings and being in bridal parties with people who were like "Larla's best friend since childhood" or "Larla's ride-or-die college roommate" and I don't have people like that in my life. But I needed to let go of the ideal of what friendship was supposed to look like and embrace the good friends I did (and still) have, and stop accepting crappy friendship simply in the hopes that it would turn into something that looks more like what I thought my friend situation was supposed to look like. Basically what OP describes in terms of her behavior with dates/boyfriends in her 20s, that's how I think I was with friends in my 30s.

(2) I wish I'd been more confident in my professional life and gone after some opportunities and taken more chances. I was very conservative and too afraid of failing at a time when failing would have been acceptable (pre-kids, still early enough in my career to pivot pretty easily). My career has been fine but I missed out on some stuff I now wish I could go back in time and take advantage of, and once you have kids, a lot of possibilities close off.

Though to be fair to myself, I was also dealing with depression during that time and it makes sense that I made the choices I made, even if I can now see that they weren't the best ones for me. You live and you learn. I have a pretty happy life now but like anyone, I have some regrets. My 20s really aren't one of them though, unless you count some regrets about choosing the grad school I did, which resulted in a lot of debt I'm still paying off. Still might have been worth it? Can't undo it so oh well.[/quote]

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